AN EMPTY TIMES SQUARE

I had been sitting in my recliner struggling to keep my eyes open when my phone rang. I have got to change the sound. I nearly jump out of my clothes when it goes off. It is very similar to an emergency vehicle siren. I chose it. It's my fault that it scares me. I just wanted to be different (regression to teen years). Gail was on the other end. There's a bomb threat in Times Square. What? What happened? What channel?

Police evacuated New York's Times Square tonight after smoke was reported coming from a dark-colored sports utility vehicle and authorities treated it as a suspected bomb. The New York Fire Department official found it to contain explosives, gasoline, propane and burned wires. The New York Times reported that it was unclear whether a package in the vehicle was a bomb. The Times reported that a federal official said the incident was not considered a terrorist threat. The Times said the vehicle was a Nissan Pathfinder parked on 45th Street just west of Seventh Avenue. Even with these reports they are saying it is not considered a terrorist threat. They are unsure if the vehicle is rigged to be a bomb. It is all just a precaution. Now they are calling it a suspected car bomb. Don't you love how breaking news is reported.

It is. It isn't. It might be. We now have confirmed information that it is. Apparently they are still unsure. An authority reports that all the ingredients for a bomb are present. Another expert reports that those materials mixed might not even work. NYPD it moving people even further back because of the bomb. No one is sure it is a bomb. All Broadway shows in the immediate area are closed. We have the star of the Broadway hit "Bombs over Tokyo" the gloriously talented and beautiful Pygmy Postelwait to give her opinion of this crisis (yes, we need that. I'm waiting with baited breath. Her opinion is important.)

Reporters now have people who saw the car smoking. Can you tell us what you saw? Yes, I saw smoke coming from a dark Japanese sports car. So you saw a dark sports car! What color was it? Dark blue, maybe dark green, It could have been black.
So you saw a dark red sports car? We have reports that it is a sports utility vehicle. No, it's a sports car. I want to know why the reporter is asking that question. It is on the screen. Turn around and look. Duh! Filler, filler, filler. I have just turned the TV on and they have been broadcasting since at least 7:00 EST. I was just leaving for dinner with Gail at that time. They still know very little, but they are filling the time with innuendo, hints, guesses, non-experts, marginal experts, experts that really know something, but know noting about this situation. Unofficial spokes-people who will not appear on TV or are not authorized to speak continue give their opinions. No group or individual has yet been accused of doing this, but they are beating around the bush about whether our middle eastern friends may have something to do with it. Breaking news. Shirley cannot get into her Times Square hotel and they will not refund her money because the bomb scare is not their fault. Are we sure of that?

Yes it is interesting, yes it is captivating, yes inquiring minds want to know. However, we have now heard 5-6 hours of speculation about very little. I admire the news people in their ability to say nothing for hours on end. They should go into politics. Wait! Hold the presses. They just reported that it might be the vehicle of a hot dog vendor. Pull back the bomb robots. Let the tourists back in the square. Get Dick Clark. Cue up the ball.

OK, that was a guess. Back to the the real lack of knowledge. They are assembling the dozens of camera footage from the area to see what they can find. Quick, get Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds. She is a whizz at getting into this kind of footage and having an answer within minutes. The crew from 24 aren't bad either, but they are a team. Penelope does this by herself sitting in front of a hundred screens or so. She's amazing. Get her now!

Times Square looks strangely eerie nearly empty. I have been there, but mostly seen it on New Years Eve when pavement was never visible. It is suppose to be filled with people. This may or may not be serious. This may or may not be a bomb threat. This may or may not last all night. This may or may not keep me up. NOT! I hope it is not serious, but I am going to bed. I live in the west. We are more likely to be bombed by Korea. Can't do anything about that. China can solve all these problems when they foreclose on our country and take over.