A discussion of end life decisions is always sobering. I was involved in one this morning. There were just three of us and we each had a story of a loved one whose life was prolonged even when they had a signed "no resuscitation request." It was painful to deal with.
It started when we watched a new tenant moving in and all wondered how she was admitted here. She appears to be a very sweet woman, but she was already lost. I don't mean just turned around like any new person might be. She was lost. She was determined that she was to move into the apartment across the street. She wanted to know what happened. It was there last time she was here. Well, no it wasn't. It was never there. That is the bay across the street. There has always been water there. Some of her confusion was real. She had a key with a different number than was on her paperwork. I'm sure that was just a test to see if the new resident is ready for the confusion of moving into The Home.
The dear lady is very frail, walks very slowly and could not figure out how to get in the elevator when standing directly in front of it. She insisted that this was not her room.
The Home is independent living. There is no assistance here. In fact, problems like she may have are often attacked by others. And once in here, it is hard to get them to move and the neighbors wear out quickly of taking care of the mentally challenged. I don't know the right word for her condition and maybe it was just the confusion of moving in, but The Home is not kind to any who who need assistance. Temporary if fine and all are willing to help, but permanent is another issue.
That lead the discussion to the treatment of the last one who finally had to be tricked to get him to move into assisted living. Residents got tired of bringing him back when he would get lost a block or so way. The grocery store had a box boy who often brought him home after shopping. He loved walking, but at times could not find his way back. He picked up newspapers that belonged to others. Public furniture that had long ago disappeared was found in his room when he left. A couple of people argued incessantly that he knew what he was doing. They were so adamant that it was hard to know who had the problems. We already were hurting for our new resident. She may never get to know any of us or she will get to know each of us anew everyday.
I think I like the old Indian approach to wandering off to sit on a hill and just waiting for the end. I couldn't do it, but I like the theory. But that's just me. Great ideas, but bad follow through.
1 comment:
It sounds like perhaps dementia. Some of these people will answer simple questions just fine, but not all questions.... To most people - on first take - they may seem ok, but to the families - they always notice things.....so it could have been a family member that slipped it by, more than likely.
On the other hand, Sometimes going to a new facility does confuse even the most "with it" people....that happened to my dad when we went on vacation to Mexico.... seemed like a simple enough lobby but he got so confused every time- turned around, more than what it should have....even left his wallet in the lock box in his room when we checked out. There are some medications that help memory problems....my dad is on that medication - for another reason.I can see that it has improved his memory....but all it takes is a little change to throw him off....so another couple of reasons for the inappropriate admit could be: The little dear's assessment was done in her own surroundings where she presented as high functioning. OR perhaps she is off her medications......
That is a tough go....sad...not something that should be dumped onto the rest of the residents, and not fair for the dear little lady....who was once someones darling baby, once someone's sweet child, once someone's sweetheart, once someone's precious mommy......
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