Mrs. “And” crept up on me a coffee this morning. I would have run had I seen her. But I was blindsided. This woman uses “And” to connect all her run on sentences. It is a form of torture the CIA should consider even if it is cruel and unusual punishment. She snuck up on me and sat next to me. I instinctively knew what that meant. I was to become her captive audience. In spite of a lively conversation of interaction of all member of the coffee klatch, I was honored by her undivided attention. Her eyes drilled me and she began her single sentence speech with no end. I was only there to help bring in the bread from the food bank truck when it arrived. I began praying immediately the truck would arrive NOW! I was willing to get on my knees and begged if it would have stopped the speech. I would love to share the details of the lecture, but I closed my ears and kept my eyes glued to her. I remember nothing except the arrival of the truck. I excused myself and left with the pick up group and she continued talking even when the door closed behind me. Had I known she really didn’t need an audience I would have walked out months ago.
I was sitting at my computer catching up on emails when the some detector-alarm when off. I was stunned. It was my alarm. I wasn’t cooking anything and had not had the stove on for at least three days. I live by the microwave. Maybe could live without a stove completely. Not trust. I like to cook breakfasts. I was confused. What had I done to set the alarm off? I stepped into the hallway, which was filled with other residents on our floor. The lights were flashing and the siren was even louder. Everyone was standing around looking at one another and smelling the burnt whatever. People moved to open all the outside doors. The woman who burnt her burrito in her microwave until it became ashes was out taking responsibility for the noise. The building alarms would not have gone on had she just opened her windows, but she couldn’t breath so shared she smoke with us all. With the doors being open, our three principle complainers demanded the doors be shut because it was cold. Others said that we needed to let this smoke out. Why didn’t she keep it in her room? Here we go again. I don’t like what is happening so change it now because I want it change. Isn’t that what 2 year olds do. Unreasonable! The doors stayed open. The alarm went on screaming for quite a while. We are tied directly to the fire department. Where are the trucks? We didn’t need them but where were they? The maintenance man got here but is not suppose to turn the alarm off. The fire department if to check and make sure everything is OK and then they turn it off. It was about 12 minutes before they got there. The building could have been burnt to the ground. Wait, no it couldn’t, there was no fire. Whew! When the manager got here we learned she was just returning from the grocery store where she was in line behind the very firemen who finally responded to our dangerous situation (read as the noise was driving us crazy). They were line paying for their supper. We could have died waiting for them. Yes, but we didn’t. We only had to listen to people frightened that we could have died. But there was no fire and they knew it.
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