A SHINING EXAMPLE

“The divorce of Al and Tipper Gore is proof that marriage is not meant to last.” WHAT! Who said that? I was driving to Michael’s for art supplies when I nearly ran into a stop light at those radio words. I don’t know who said it. Was it the host, a guest, or some moron on the phone? That’s the problem with talk radio, I often only half listen. But that comment grabbed me by the throat and threw me to the pavement. I couldn’t believe anyone would put the whole case for marriage on the shoulders of the Gore’s. It’s true he has an Academy Award and a Pulitzer, but lets not get into that foolishness. Who are the Gore’s that their marriage is so central to the marriages of the world let alone the USA?

What if all relationships guidelines were established on one sample? If we are going to do that, why not choose me? I could be that sample on which all male relationship guidelines are established. I’m average. I never won an Academy Award or Pulitzer. I did win a third place ribbon in 5th grade for a relay team. I also won a transistor radio from an Esso gas station (Canada). I won a participants certificate in a drawing contest. Oh, I did win an election (school president – that’s higher than Gore, isn’t it? He was only vice president..

My best friend in grade school was a black boy. All white men should have at least one black friend. I was in a square dance competition with Lillian. She’s black. All men should have danced with at least one black woman. I walked out on a girl at our first dance together. Men walk out on relationships. That’s true. I’m sorry, but she really annoyed me. I dated lots of girls in high school and once tried to date a different girl every night of the week for a whole month. At least that’s what my friends tell me. I still don’t believe it. I didn’t even know 30 women. I guess I was a player. All guys should be players (most are – nailed that one).

My first longer term relationship in college was with a very nice woman five years older than me and who wanted to get married. I was scared spit less and moved to Canada to go to school. All guys should run away from a relationship when a girl raises the issue of marriage too soon. Most do.

When I got to the Canadian college I sorta fell for a lovely Ontario girl. I guess I was somewhat crazy. I intended to drive from the central United States to Ontario and drive her back to Western Canada for the next school year. I can’t believe I was planning on doing that. What an idiot. Three weeks before school began she wrote me a Dear John letter. There is no one else, but it will not work between us. It’s me, not you. Ha! Of course it was me. She arrived at college three weeks later engaged. No, I take it back. It was her not me. Point: All guys should be dumped at least once.

I guess I wasn’t too broke up over it because I pulled out my yearbook to look and see whom I might be interested in. I picked out my best friends girlfriend. He was madly in love with her, but she was trying to dump him (inside information). That fall he hit a brick wall with the woman of my dreams and asked me to date her. He was convinced after dating me she would run back to him. Yikes. Who was I in his eyes? I guess disgusting enough to drive any woman back to hom. I told him I was willing to date her, but if she showed any interest in me, I was going to continue dating her. She did and I did and my friend never spoke to me again. I married that girl. It’s best to steal a friend’s girl.

We were engaged 19 months. Everyone should be engaged that long. Our children were both adopted. Everyone should adopt children.

OK, I give up. That sounds ridiculous. I know it. There was nothing about my life anyone should emulate. I am not the standard. And bless their hearts, neither are the Gores. Their divorce only means they could not get along and would not work it out. Marriage will 1ast.