ONE UPMANSHIP

Everyone probably knows someone or has a friend who loves this game. I remember playing it as a kid. The only way I could win was to lie. I suspect that is how most winning is done. How could one person have a big, better, more exciting, more frightening, more unusual story than anyone else regardless of the size of the group. I can accept that everyone can at some time have a better life experience than another, but not all the time. After the story teller has said too much, one never knows what to believe.

I have a friend like that. To start with she served in the Navy and has done a lot, been a lot of places and experienced more of life than most. In any enjoyable conversation, she will have the biggest conversation-ending story. No one can top her. No one tries anymore, but they give each other the look behind her back. Everyone knows the look: rolled eyes, snickers or a circled finger near the ear. We have all seen it, and probably done it at some time.

I am getting good at expressing serious doubt with my eyes and signals. So is my upstairs neighbor. There is a great deal of communication between our eyes. Our friend has eaten at every restaurant in the area and has a decided opinion about the food and a recommendation to the rest of us less experienced people. Usually we should not. eat there. The food is bad, the help lousy, and the cost too high.

If you grocery-shop with her she will check your basket and find you a better alternative to one or more items in your basket. In fact, if you shop anywhere with her she will find something you want that should be changed and will be forceful enough that many women change what they want so she will not be mad.

Spreading my questions over multiple trips, I have asked about dozens of restaurants we have passed. It may be hard to believe, but I have never asked about a single one where she has not had a meal. I figure that based on the number of questions I have asked she eats out 2-3 times a week. Unless someone takes her out and pays for her meals, she does not have enough money. She says she has friends who own some of these restaurants so they gave her free meals. I have asked if we could go there sometime and maybe get another free meal. Would you believe it, they don’t own the place any longer.

Today I was telling her that our family usually traveled by rail free, twice a year because dad worked for Union Pacific. This may be had to believe, but her uncle worked for Southern Pacific and they traveled all across the south making trips once a month. Wow! Southern Pacific was very generous. I took the contest a step further telling her my absolute favorite eating-place of all time is La Habatant. She had eaten there and thought it was terrific. So I asked, have you been to Canada? Yes, I’ve traveled all across the country. In which city did you visit La Habatant? Toronto! I didn’t know it was a chain. Yes, it’s in every major city in Canada. Even in the prairies? No not there. Oh! — It’s not a chain and it is in Regina. So there! I didn’t say that, but I rolled my eyes at myself.

I plan to tell her about my trip to the moon with NASA next. I’m sure she has been to mars. I do feel like stealing Jackie Gleason’s line to Alice as he doubled up his fist and leaned toward her, “To the moon, Alice, to the moon.”