OLD WIVES TALES

I got a bar of soap in the mail today. I am supposed to unwrap it and put it at the foot of my bed to relieve problems with nervous feet. I have not had time to do it yet. But I will try that to night. I may have a hard time knowing if it works as I don’t have nervous feet every night and if my feet sweat will my feet get soapy. I also wonder if I need a bar of soap for each foot. Am I to put soap bars at the bottom for when I am stretched out and maybe a little further up for when I go into the fetal position? So, I am still a little uncertain, but am willing to try it.

I know a lot of old wives here, and am wondering if I should take all their old wives tale advice. If this works maybe I should listen to the rest. I know I am supposed to feed a cold and starve a fever, but I’m not hungry when I have a cold and want chicken noodle soup when I have a fever. Everyone tells me chicken noodle soup is good for you when you are sick. I prefer Campbell’s at that time, but can’t stand noodle soup at any other time.

I never went in swimming until and hour after eating. Mom wouldn’t let me. Come to think of it she wouldn’t let me go in the water unless my navy trained older brother was with us. I would drown. Of course, I would have drowned. I didn’t know how to swim. And I am not likely to drown now, as I don’t really like the water. I like to be beside it, but not in it.

I totally disliked coffee, as a child so never drank it and guess my growth wasn’t stunted. I am the tallest member of my family. A sister was the second tallest and she hated it, but married a very tall guy so got over feeling bad when she eloped. My mother never forgave he for eloping. I didn’t care. When she got married I got my own bedroom and no longer had to share that tiny room and the three quarter bed with my little brother. He kept crossing over to my half so I had to keep hitting him. He hit back and so it went until one of us cried. That was usually me. He was little but tough.

I didn’t know what to do about chocolate as I loved chocolate and was horrified to learn it caused acne. Boy did I have acne. I promised God that if He would clear up my acne I would give up chocolate. Mother said it worked the other way around. Stop and your face will clear up. So I tried that. I stopped for a week and not one pimple disappeared. So I bought a whole bag of Hershey kisses and ate them all in one sitting. I didn’t get more pimples either. Boy was I confused.

I never liked spicy food so never worried about getting ulcers for eating it. However, I learned that stress also causes ulcers. I’ve had lots of stress in my life, but still no ulcers. Hasn’t stopped the doctor from finding something new at each visit that requires another prescription.

I didn’t like carrots, which are supposed to improve my eyesight. I guess that’s why I wear glasses now. I got my first pair at age 49 and the optometrist was surprised I had lasted so long without them, but he was just being nice. I probably still would not wear glasses had I ate carrots.

I was always confused about not going outside with my hair wet because of all the people who went swimming and never seemed to worry about catching a cold. Maybe it was really all about the weather and not the wet head.

We only had dim light at our house. Usually only one light on a cord with a chain hanging from the center of the bedroom, but I still used that light to keep tabs on the Adventures of Superman. TV was also bad for my eyes. We didn’t have TV, but Monday to Friday I went down to Irene’s for one hour to watch Howdy Doody and The Mickey Mouse Club. When we finally did get a TV I watched Gunsmoke on Saturday night with dad. Had to. Dad would fall asleep and he needed me to tell him what happened. I could not cross my eyes so they never stuck that way. That one worried me because I tried to cross my eyes but would get dizzy.

And finally, I am thankful I never went blind. I was a bad teenage boy. I do hope the soap cures my restless feet, but have no idea how I will know if it works.