WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO CARE

One of the great mysteries in life is why we treat some people the way we do. I for one think I treat people reasonably well. Of course, what I think and what I do is not necessarily the same thing. That makes it easy to assume I do it right. I’m fair, considerate and understanding — most of the time — I think.

Because we are all human (don’t you hate that expression) we screw up. I do it far to often. So the subject I plan to discuss today cannot be directed at others, but at myself as well.

We have two gentlemen and two women that are the butt of many jokes. The are mocked, made fun of, and generally rejected.

The men I’ll call A and B. The women will be C and D. “A” has been here the longest. He is mentally challenged. He has been hit by cars twice and walks with pain. As he ages he gets more confused and extremely repetitious. He spends a great deal of time talking about his high school and college education. His late teens and early 20’s seem the strongest in his mind. The ridicule “A” suffers is usually anger. Many cannot stand his repetitious stories. It’s true. Most of us could tell his stories for him. What we miss is that his does feel the pain of rejection.

Mr. “B” is also mentally challenged but in a different way. He does not seem to take offense or even seem to be aware that he is the joke. He does not understand the basics of daily living. While he is clean, he is sloppy. His clothes need repair, ironing, hemming. We do not offer to help. He has a caregiver who should care for these things. She does not. He cannot remember to care for routine daily items like taking his medication, remembering his appointments. He is more fun than Mr. “A” because he seem to go along with the jokes made about him. He comes to potlucks and fills his plate 3-4 times. This offends many. He reminds me of the kind of person who has suffered many days without sufficient food and eats as much as he can when it is available just in case there is no next time. He also takes as much as he can to his rooms after the dinner. He has been harangued by several to not just come and eat, but also bring something to share. He now does that, but shouldn’t. He cannot cook and does not keep food stored properly. Most of what he brings is thrown away. Any woman who is kind to Mr. “B” is in danger of being perceived as his girlfriend. It’s scary.

Mrs. “C” as some mental disorder, but it is combined with rocking, invading personal space and coming from behind you and leaning over your shoulder to look you in the face. That is startling. She tends to make people nervous. She is extremely active: involved in square dancing and assisting in a local kindergarten and daycare. She cannot seem to sit still very long. It is her social skills that draw attention and annoyance.

Lady “D” seems to be just socially inept. She struggles with deep depression. It shows and hurts her and others. People stay away from her and speak to her in angry tones. She sat next to me at a recent potluck and can really put the food away. She is hated for this. She started with three dinner plates piled high with food. One is main dishes, the second is salads and the third is desserts. She repeats this for seconds. I worked hard to get to know her. She knows she is a misfit and does not make getting to know her easy. He gives little and feels alone.

The men should be in care facilities. However, unless they become a danger to others, no one here as the right to remove them. They may be a danger to themselves (as Mr. “B” is) but nothing can be done until they hurt themselves, or so we are told.

The women both function at a higher level. They get their share of ridicule, but not like the men.

These four are pretty much despised and rejected. Three of them can do very little to change what they are and how they act. They need compassion and understanding. Why is it so hard to give them a little respect, a little compassion, and a little understanding?

There are a handful of residents who try. Most wish they were out of sight to be out of mind. We might all want the world peopled with only “our kind of people.” It will never happen. Lord teach me to care for the least of these.