RIGHT OR WRONG?

It’s always hard to admit you’re wrong. It’s even harder to admit you might be wrong when you don’t know whether you are really wrong or not. Maybe I was right. Does that make sense? Maybe it was just double talk. Maybe it is just second-guessing. We do that a lot. Make a decision, follow through and then wonder for weeks if we made the right decision.

I’ve spent a week wondering if I did the right thing with Maria. I know I am rethinking the situation because she is avoiding me and grunting when we pass. I confronted her because she gave me hell for leaving to pick up bread without her. She shared her frustration loud and far. I didn’t appreciate her response. She missed the meeting time. Remained in her room reading. We waited ten minutes. I thought she might be ill. I didn’t see how I was responsible for leaving her to do a simple, unimportant task that only requires one person, let alone three.

Yes, there was some defensiveness in those comments. I did not feel responsible. In retrospect, I may be more upset at how broadly she spread her frustration and with the anger and volume with which she released her venom..

If the truth was known, and I’m about the share the truth, she did nothing out of character. She is an angry, hostile person. She never accepts responsibility for any actions that cause a serious conflict. It is always the other person’s fault. No exaggeration. She has never apologized. No exaggeration. She will be in charge or will not serve. If she is cut out of anything, she has always let many know her displeasure. She will deny it. If she wiggles into something she will take it over. No, not try, but she will take over ordering everyone around and not allowing them to do anything for which she might receive praise.

So, knowing who she is and how she responds, why should I have expected anything different when my action was not pleasing to her? Am I the idiot? I think so. If I had ignored the situation, she would return to her self and all would be peaceful. I would have just been another person lying in the path of her destruction. Even I would have and did, calm down. What set me off again was a group meal at a very nice restaurant the following Monday. She verbally abused Kiki repeatedly making everyone at the table cringe. She told her what she could and could not order, finally telling her directly what she must order. She repeatedly corrected Kiki’s speaking telling her how she did and did not feel. Maria felt like her coffee was cold. When Kiki said her coffee was hot, she was told that it was not hot. Gail also got coffee out of the same pot and argued that it was hot. Not to Maria. And if Maria thought it was cold, everyone’s coffee was cold.

The whole meal continued like that. I was gentle but confronted her treatment of Kiki and her accusation about me the next day.

I admit it is peaceful without her. But the preacher indirectly addressed my concerns this morning and I am now rethinking my actions and am concerned that I only made matters worse. Do you know how much easier it would to deal with people if there were no people?

So, what’s the right response? Is it right to confront a 70’s old controlling woman when you are reasonable sure it will only come back and hurt you more?