RIGHT OR WRONG?

It’s always hard to admit you’re wrong. It’s even harder to admit you might be wrong when you don’t know whether you are really wrong or not. Maybe I was right. Does that make sense? Maybe it was just double talk. Maybe it is just second-guessing. We do that a lot. Make a decision, follow through and then wonder for weeks if we made the right decision.

I’ve spent a week wondering if I did the right thing with Maria. I know I am rethinking the situation because she is avoiding me and grunting when we pass. I confronted her because she gave me hell for leaving to pick up bread without her. She shared her frustration loud and far. I didn’t appreciate her response. She missed the meeting time. Remained in her room reading. We waited ten minutes. I thought she might be ill. I didn’t see how I was responsible for leaving her to do a simple, unimportant task that only requires one person, let alone three.

Yes, there was some defensiveness in those comments. I did not feel responsible. In retrospect, I may be more upset at how broadly she spread her frustration and with the anger and volume with which she released her venom..

If the truth was known, and I’m about the share the truth, she did nothing out of character. She is an angry, hostile person. She never accepts responsibility for any actions that cause a serious conflict. It is always the other person’s fault. No exaggeration. She has never apologized. No exaggeration. She will be in charge or will not serve. If she is cut out of anything, she has always let many know her displeasure. She will deny it. If she wiggles into something she will take it over. No, not try, but she will take over ordering everyone around and not allowing them to do anything for which she might receive praise.

So, knowing who she is and how she responds, why should I have expected anything different when my action was not pleasing to her? Am I the idiot? I think so. If I had ignored the situation, she would return to her self and all would be peaceful. I would have just been another person lying in the path of her destruction. Even I would have and did, calm down. What set me off again was a group meal at a very nice restaurant the following Monday. She verbally abused Kiki repeatedly making everyone at the table cringe. She told her what she could and could not order, finally telling her directly what she must order. She repeatedly corrected Kiki’s speaking telling her how she did and did not feel. Maria felt like her coffee was cold. When Kiki said her coffee was hot, she was told that it was not hot. Gail also got coffee out of the same pot and argued that it was hot. Not to Maria. And if Maria thought it was cold, everyone’s coffee was cold.

The whole meal continued like that. I was gentle but confronted her treatment of Kiki and her accusation about me the next day.

I admit it is peaceful without her. But the preacher indirectly addressed my concerns this morning and I am now rethinking my actions and am concerned that I only made matters worse. Do you know how much easier it would to deal with people if there were no people?

So, what’s the right response? Is it right to confront a 70’s old controlling woman when you are reasonable sure it will only come back and hurt you more?

THE DAY HAS COME

I got good news and bad news. The statement if greatly over used. So let me say, I received positive news mixed in sadness. I talked with Janet’s grandson today. It was a solemn discussion that brought the mixed feelings.

It was probably two months ago when she and I had an extended discussion about the extensive use of tubes and machines and all the rest of paraphernalia they hooks us to just to keep the body pumping blood and the heart beating. I copied out an article a few days ago entitled “Americans are Treated, and Over treated, to Death” written by AP medical writer, Marilyn Marchione. It’s a five-page report, so I will only reprint the first illustration.

“The doctors finally let Rosaria Vandenberg go home.
For the first time in months, she was able to touch her 2-year-old daughter who had been afraid of the tubes and machines in the hospital. The little girl climbed up onto her mother's bed, surrounded by family photos, toys and the comfort of home. They shared one last tender moment together before Vandenberg slipped back into unconsciousness.
Vandenberg, 32, died the next day.”

Vandenberg endured two surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation for an incurable brain tumor before dying. She was cut off from her daughter when she could have been home with her daughter near her.

“Americans increasingly are treated to death, spending more time in hospitals in their final days, trying last-ditch treatments that often buy only weeks of time and racking up bills that have made medical care a leading cause of bankruptcies.” And as Janet and I talked — abandon all quality of life.

Janet lost her balance entering on the bottom step of a bus. She fell over backwards and while falling, tried to protect her incredible cheesecake she was taking to a family gathering. Her body is badly bruised. The back of her head was split open requiring eight stitches. They were very concerned about possible swelling. The main drama is over. There is brain damage. Janet’s speech is slurred. They wanted to send her for therapy. How long would that take? That was unknown, but because she is 93 there was fear it cold be a very extended period of hard work.

Bless Janet. She said no. That was what we talked about and she has blessed the socks off me by her decision. There were complications. She would have to be hooked up to who knows what. Janet said she was tried. She no longer wanted to struggle. Some are saying, “She gave up.” She and I see it differently. Janet is ready to go home. She is looking forward to the future. Her future includes seeing Jesus and her husband. She finds that exciting.

She needs help and care. The damage she experienced is more sever than first noticed. She struggles to speak and follow conversations. The doctors wanted her to remain in the hospital. No, she would not do that. She is in the same hospice care facility where she volunteered for years. They will give her special care. She is resting comfortably and gathering her family and friends around to say goodbye. I am going to see her tomorrow. She is a wonderful lady. She had this important end of life discussion with her family some time ago. They all agreed with her decision to let go of her grip on this life and advance without passing go or collecting $200 right to her eternal reward. She is only being hydrated. She prefers to wait with those who love her gathered around. It will not be long now.

Plan to tell her how much I loved her, enjoyed her humor, appreciated our talks and will miss her cheesecakes and potato chip cookie’s. I may also ask if she has any in her freezer. I will tell her I will follow later and look forward to seeing her again and that it will not be long until she experiences total healing. No more pain, no more sorrow, no more struggle. She is indeed blessed. I am blessed to have known her.

Goodbye my dear friend. I’ll see you on the other side.