HOMELESS

I had every intention of writing last night, but I got so caught up in Richard LeMieux book “Breakfast at Sally’s” that I was up reading until nearly two o’clock a.m. and still didn‘t finish. So I just kept on reading this morning until I was done. What a book!

Richard gave me a whole new understanding of homelessness and the broken, depressed lives that haunt those streets. My heart began to break. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I clearly reconsidered those needy people and their struggles.

I have heard the complaints that they are lazy, dirty, stinky, disgusting excuses for human beings. They are nothing but drug addicts and alcoholics. Why don’t they get a job? Richard takes us on his year and half journey on the streets of Bremerton. He had a van to keep him dry (most of the time) and his dog Willow to keep him company. I wept for his deep depression and enormous rejection. He was a wealthy man who lost everything: his business, his wife and his children. Not him alone, but those he met.

With no home address, no phone and no bank account most essentials are blocked for them. Job applicants are told, “We’ll call you.” Apartments require first and last months rent and the present one. None have that kind of money. Richard tells the story of a physically deformed homeless man given a check for his birthday. A friend at a tire store have him $20 so he could buy a headset to listen to his country music. He was thrilled and asked if Richard would take him to the bank. They went where the signer had a bank account. They required two pieces of identification. He had one outdated bus pass. That was not good enough. I hate banks. I hate the rules had limit the needy. They had the power to see if that account had the money. But that was never considered.

I am a friend with Katrina who now lives at The Home. Before moving here she had lived in her van for nearly a year. She knows Richard and also knows all the places where to get a free warm meals. She has lived here nearly a year now and still struggles with deep depression, She has a broken down van that is not presently running and she does not have the money to have it repaired. She will not get rid of it because she fears she will be homeless again.

Katrina had a father who abused her, then a husband who repeated the horror. She ran. She was frightened and rightly so. I got to know her during the time she helped me on the bread runs. She required much of my patience. She is loud, dogmatic authoritative and a devoted democrat who is always right. She would not be making it now if it were not for government programs. In actuality, none of us in The Home would be here without government programs. I understand democrats a little better.

Katrina often runs to my apartment when she is nervous, upset or confused. Monday was one of those days. Her rent was increased by $40. She was panicked that homelessness was back in her future. The rent was raised, but she had not yet heard what her assistance would be. She can handle it for a while by cutting even more of her necessities back.

I have always known she was depressed and fearful. I am not sure I understood her fears. Her loudness comes from years of fighting and arguing with those in her life. Her desire to be accepted is so great she often jumps into conversations with very dogmatic statements and feels compelled to tell everyone how to do just about everything. That comes from her desire to be helpful. When she is instructing me about my health, good, and exercise — I listen and thank her whether it is helpful or not. She is very kind and gives to others beyond her means, She had volunteered for an extended time at The Salvation Army serving meals. She is a giver because she knows what it is to do without.

Many of the homeless view Jesus as one of them. He had no place to lay his head. He had no home and he was a wanderer not knowing from where his next meal would come. But most are angry with God. They are angry at the lack of compassion, understanding and kindness; but they mostly are angry with God for not helping them get out of their situation. God wants to help them, but He does it through people. Through me!

I am a changed person. Read the book.

ITS NOT BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

My blog makes no real contribution to life and culture. It began as one old man blabbering on and on about the humor I see in life. Some of the humor that I once saw is turning to sorrow. And from my perspective it is caused by a life without God. The inability to forgive is painful and brings pain not just to the person not being forgiven, but to the entire unit where the bitter one lives. People are afraid to move, to act, to plan, because of one persons poison.

The home has been decorated beautifully each year. It took longer than usual to get going because of the actions of one person last year. That person sees themselves as the keeper of the decoration and the public areas of the building. Things only go where she says they go. Bi creativity was allowed last year so no one was willing to help her this year. When she finally shut herself in her room out of anger, everyone else got together and decorated out building. And frankly, it looks better that ever.

None of this progress is evident in the main building. The resident who manages the kitchen and makes sure there is coffee every morning, appears to also be the keeper of the Christmas decorations. She is angry this year and she does not want to put up Christmas decorations yet - an so no one wants to cross her so no decorations have gone up. Her anger is stupid (but then most anger is stupid). He wants a man in her life and has decided which man (not me, thankfully). The man has told her it will never happen. HOWEVER (and this is important) he continues to treat her like the love of his life. His words and actions are in conflict. So she is taking her anger out on everyone, and everyone is letting her.

It is not beginning to look al lot like Christmas in the main building, but it is over here. But even here, bitterness has raised its ugly head. Chas decorated the hall on the first floor with garland and ornaments. It looks real nice. There is an inset in front of all our apartments and most people decorate that are their selves. Two apartments were already decorated when Chas got started so he left them alone. In fact, he bought garland to match theirs. He ran that garland everywhere except directly in front of his arch enemies place. However, he did run it around a corner into her area. The lady kindly asked her housekeeper if the garland could be removed as she wanted to decorate her own area. It was a reasonable request. The house keeper took care of the problem for Chas. When she told him what had happened, he wanted to go out and tear it all down. He was talked out of that, but went and cut a large section off that was approacher her apartment. It now looks terrible. He ruined the whole affect because of his over reaction and anger.

When he does that, which is more often than even he admits, people pull away from him and he sulks off to have his own little pity party. He never keeps that party quiet. He tells a few friends how hurt he is and that no body likes him (if no one likes him why does he tell anyone - he would likely have no friends to tell)? The point is to get some people to tell him they like him and beg him to be part of things. I for one am tired of his manipulation. And so are some others. He has a way of turning a nothing item into a huge issue. He keeps thinking he his going to be thrown out. Keep it up and he will.

I have talked to him so many times about this and he agrees while we are together, but acts as though he has no memory of it a few minutes later. This last escapade will send him into retreat in his little apartment. He wanted to go see the lights in another week and I am driving the bas just so he can go. It is likely he will be too embarrassed to go and will blame it on something else. He causes many of his own problems. Gail will tell him straight out and I am going to tell him tonight. This has got to stop.

Of course, like a two year old, I will tell him again and again until it sinks in. I pray that happens soon - for my sanity.

The lack of trust leads to seeing everything with an ulterior motive. Ever action is questioned and the sincerity is doubted. That comes from their own self hatred. They don't believe any compliment or good deed. People begin to wonder what the point is. There is an air of oppression at The home emanating from three people. That is a cancer that is infecting everything.

POLICE: THEY CAN DO NOTHING

Coffee this morning was all about fear, tension, nervousness and what to do about CW (not me). After his explosion yesterday several women are frightened. They don’t want to be around him and are doing all they can to avoid him. A few people called and left messages with the authorities and had asked for a call back. No phone calls have been returned. I wrote up a report and emailed it this morning trying to emphasis the fear many were feeling and the lack of safety and security they had especially with the threat from the inside.

Reactions have been to move out. They wanted to know why the police were not called. Chas said he had called and a deputy returned his call to say he would not be coming. CW’s outburst did not constitute an emergency. Not to them, obviously.

The complaining about CW was loud and demanding answers. Why aren’t the managers doing anything? They had said for weeks they were working on it, but we hear no updates and he is still here threatening and frightening people. The Home is labeled a safe and secure place. I doubt that is believable at this time.

The discussion moved on to a class action lawsuit. A few of us tried to steer clear of that without discouraging the idea. The decision was to give them time to respond to those of us who have written and called. We have a meeting on Monday to celebrate birthdays. I wrote the woman who usually comes to bring someone with authority to talk to us and listen. The social director has not knowledge or authority.

I came back to my apartment to eat breakfast. I left early this morning to buy our maintenance man mocha. I told him I would after pulling him out of church to turn off my smoke alarm. It wasn’t long until Gail came and asked if we should go to the sheriff’s office and ask for advice. Sounded like a good idea so off we went.

We explained to the receptionist what had happened and that 911 was called and the caller was told they would not be coming. She said Chas did not make a call. That was a surprise since Chas said he made the call. She searched the records and told us there has only been one call from our address. That came from CW telling them Chas was stealing his girlfriends. Ridiculous.

When asked for advice we were told to contact a lawyer and see if the situation warranted a class action lawsuit. It was management’s responsibility not the police.

I looked Chas up when we returned to ask about his call to the police. He immediately pulled out his phone and showed me when he called 911 and when the deputy called him back. I don’t know what happened but something was screwy.

I’m beginning to wonder if this place is as funny as I have always thought. What is happening now is not funny at all. Chas really feels the pain. He is under serious attack and did nothing to deserve what is coming his way.

ON THE WAR PATH

If the Indians don’t revolt and start attacking the soldiers, it will be a miracle. Something must be done. CW (not me) flew off the handle again and this time with the largest audience he has had to date.

The tribe had finished playing bingo and many were leaving the dining room to go back to their apartments. He tore into Chas with the longest string of foul words imaginable. He threatened to kill him and beat him to a pulp. Again Chas kept his mouth shut saying only “bring it on.” He then let him rant. When Chas finally got free and out the door, CW stormed down the hall from the entrance to the elevator yelling and swearing and threatening anyone is sight … , well I’m not sure that’s right. Maybe he was just yelling at the walls.

What he did do was frighten a large group of women who did not know where to go and hide or if they were safe. He was ranting and raving and coming right at them. They stayed in the dining room and a few backed into the kitchen. Most women are afraid to walk into the halls as it is. They look out their door to see if he is there before they leave their apartment. If he is getting off the elevator when they want on, he is given a wide berth.

It is laughable that CW called the police to report that Chas is stealing his girls. The whole issue is so ridiculous and absurd to everyone but CW. He is serious. He takes every opportunity to tell anyone who will listen about Chas stealing his girlfriends. It never happened and no one can figure out how he even got that strange idea. I was there for the very first encounter and Chas did nothing and said nothing. CW has got it in his mind that Chas is taking his girlfriends and will not let it go. No one will ever take his girlfriends. No one believes he will ever have a girlfriend. We all know he has mental issues and should never have been let into this facility in the first place. If he isn’t removed soon there will be more move outs.

At the last resident meeting to celebrate birthdays, people wanted answers to the problem and all discussion was shut off. They owe us an explanation. I don’t care how hard it is or frightened they are to listen and talk to us — it must be done. A written note taped to our door will not satisfy or answer the questions. Residents are angry.

I suspect the Housing Authority would like to wait until they can say they have found a place for him and he will be moving on such and such a date. I don’t care if he is moving tomorrow, many others, and I want and explanation as to why his language and threats are being and have been tolerated. He wouldn’t be the first mentally ill person on the street. I know that is hard and cruel and I would prefer he had a place to go. But our women deserve a safe environment. They were promised one as well. Where is it?

TONE MATTERS

It’s time to address an issue with a coupe of friends at my Bible study. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the group. The people are great. They do get off track at times, and today was no exception.

It is important to use the right tone, the right body language and facial expression that compliment the words you are saying. Words alone are not enough. It’s the total package. Today the combination of getting off track and using the wrong tone, body language and facial expression totally consumed what would normally have been the Bible Study.

Personally, I think getting off track at time helps us get to know one another. But this did not do that. It created tension and defensiveness.

At the beginning we take prayer requests. Three were shared. Then Chas asked the pastor what the church policy was on prayer. His tone was harsh, his head was cocked to the side and he had a frown on his face. These are things I would encourage an actor to do to challenge someone. That is exactly what happened with the pastor. He became defensive trying to defend his position and not offend the rest of the group. It did not help that Chas had an alternative motive. The pastor took the question with the tone used as a challenge to what he was doing and how he was doing it. He did not understand why the challenge was coming.

It seems Rocky is upset because the pastor has not called to ask how he is. Understand that Rocky has attended the church exactly four times. The last time he spoke to the pastor he told him he was feeling better and was going on vacation. Rocky did go and came home only to face a battery of tests and confusing diagnoses. He never called the pastor but began complaining around here that the pastor did not care about him. He is angry that the pastor has not called to check on him.

This resolution took 55 minutes of our 1.25 hours of Bible study. I did everything I could t come to his aid. The pastor and his wife tried to explain their schedules, and how impossible it is to keep track of the needs of 400 people who call the church their church. This is a seniors Bible study. They all remember the days when pastors visited every home in the church and called on the sick and seemed to respond to every whim of every member. No one seems to remember that most churches were very small. This side tracked briefly into another miss stated comment about the need for a prayer chain.

The pastor and his wife were backed up against the wall and digging a hole seemingly unable to get the group to accept their answer. I tried to explain the cultural shift, how pastor’s schedules have changed with the number of people under their care. Both he and I are rapidly searching our minds for answers that will appease. Finally James 5:14 came to mind: “Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.” Scriptures do not lay this responsibility on the shoulders of the pastor. It is on the one who wants prayer.

Any who attend a large church understand pastors cannot keep track of everyone in their congregation. Frankly, no one can. People tend to hold others to “unstated expectations.” We have told no one about what we expect, but we are angry when they do not meet our expectations. People have ideas about how things should be done and expect others to follow their internal guidelines. To my knowledge, one can read minds. We do not and cannot live up to others unstated expectations. It is even more difficult when those expectations are unrealistic. Most of the problems around here come from unstated expectations. So I just want to be clear. Just do what I am thinking and everything will be fine.

I DON'T SEE YOU

It’s been two weeks. They were pleasant weeks for me. I have no idea how it was for Maria. All I know is what I observe or don’t observe. I told her I wanted a couple weeks of space. That ended yesterday.

I saw her only twice. She reserved for me her harshest response. Treating me like I do not exist or she cannot see me. Both incidents occurred in the commons room. The first incident caught her off guard. I have been in the room having coffee and we got into some interesting conversation so I was there longer than usual. She returned from shopping with someone who had a car. Not expecting to see me she started around the corner, looked up, saw me sitting there and immediately turned around and walked out of my site. I assumed she had not plans to be in the same room with me. The action gave me pause. I have dropped to her “I absolutely hate you list.” It was confirmed a few days later at a meeting to explain how the new automatic doors worked. She was sitting with a friend facing the back wall. When I arrived, I took a seat at the next able and faced the direction of the speaker. That meant I also faced Maria. She got up, moved around her table and put a post between her and I. She was subtle.

I assumed if the gap were ever to be bridged, I would have to begin the building process. I am not sure a bridge can be built. There are two others here in her bad books and she will not be in the same room or in their line of site. If she can’t get out of their view she turns her chair away or puts her hand up to block the view. Reminds me of the actions of little kids. She is very obvious with these women. So far, she has said nothing about our little conflict. She has not been absent enough for people to be aware of any conflict with us. She covered herself by telling people she was going to take a break from coffee. She stopped coming to two things: coffee and BBQ’s. The BBQ’s ended for the season last night. She is free of that and only missed two.

Maria is a very social person. She must be involved in everything. Monthly we go out as a group to eat. There are shopping trips, potluck dinners, etc. She has never missed an event. Halloween is her favorite holiday. It will kill her not to get dressed up.

I wrote a note to express my desires to reconcile, put it into my pocket and went to talk to her personally. The note was a backup. She was home and called for me to come it. It was obvious that she did not expect me to have been at the door. I asked if I could talk to her and she said NO. I sat down at the table to talk. I told her how much I missed seeing her and would like to return to some common activities. She blamed me and accused me of intentionally leaving her behind. She acknowledged no fault and blamed me for everything. She reminded me that I did not want to see her. I did not say that, I said I wanted some space for a couple of weeks. That time is finished.

I did my best to remain calm and inviting. I told her I was going to a movie on Tuesday and would invite her to come along. She remained angry that I had come. She clearly will not forgive or accept her part. I reminded her that I was going to be kind and accepting of her regardless of her response to me. I got up, gave her my written note and left. Only time will tell if she will welcome me into her life. If I am to be banned, it will sure ruin some of my stories.

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS

I know I usually comment on the problems and weird incidents at The Home, but we have some real gems as well. We have a couple of Farewell Cards floating around the campus. I am handling one for our building and Joy is handing one for the other building. We are also taking up a collection for our fearless leaders.

One of the cool things about taking the card around it the privilege of reading what people say and enjoying their generosity. People’s giving here is very much the widow’s mite. They have little, but they give much. But it is also because our managers were greatly loved.

Our residents are beginning to drop like flies. Janet is in hospice, Edna is in rehabilitation, and my next-door neighbor is in the third week of just not feeling well with no clear indication of what is wrong. Then this morning Marty was taken away in an ambulance. Marty is wheelchair bound. She was apparently in her bathroom and needed help. She pulled the emergency cord, which summons emergency services. But that didn’t happen. As it turns our the call went to the right place, but because headquarters did not change the phone number to Marty’s number when she moved in, it went to the last resident. When Bonnie got the return check up call she reported there was nothing wrong and the response was cancelled. Marty eventually got to her phone and called 911. She finally got help, but our maintenance man was irate. He already was angry enough at headquarters, he did not need more reasons. Because of the problem he was not notified of Marty’s need until she was returned to her apartment. Then when she was returned, Maria thought pulled the emergency string again thinking it would turn the light off, but instead ambulances came again. The turn off switch is in the manager’s control.

That was just the beginning of the day for Maria to stir the waters. I do have empathy for Maria, really I do. She has her own medical problems. She also really needs attention and does much to keep the spotlight focused on herself.

As Marty is being taken out she tells those gathered that she almost called 911 herself as her eye was bothering so much last night. So why didn’t she? Because it didn’t hurt that much, and everyone was now focused on Marty. Poor Maria! We should all feel sorry for her.

On the second emergency visit to Marty I was on my way to pick up mail, saw the fire truck and saw Chas in the lobby talking with Hazel. Chas is still upset about his flowers being moved around. They are located in an area specifically set aside for our wheelchair guests. But his flowers are in the way of Liz getting at her own garden spot so she moves them. They are not really in her way, but by moving Chas’ flowers she does not have to walk so far. Hazel was assuring Chas that Liz, who is such a plant loved and a master gardener, would never hurt his plants. Chas just wants her to keep his hands off his plants. Hazel, whose only friend here is Liz, continued to defend Liz as harmless. My arrival tempered the conflict.

Chas then wanted me to take his check to the office since I was on my day to deposit my own rent. Hazel, who is planning an Alaskan Cruise with Liz, asked me if the inside cabins were comfortable. I told her that I had no idea. When I went, I knew this would be the only time I would ever go so I had a balcony cabin. I wanted to sit on my deck and watch the world go by. I especially enjoyed it when coming into or leaving port. I loved watching the process. The only response was “Oh!” I cannot imagine the two of them sharing a tiny little inside cabin for the 10-day cruise they are planning. Hazel can hardly stand anyone to be that close to her. I’m sure someone will take bets on whether they will be friends by the time they return.

Well, Chas came over to the main building with me and we went to the kitchen where Maria was preparing the pork ribs for the BBQ tomorrow. They were some reasonable pleasantries exchanged before Chas tells Maria about Marty going to the hospital. He made a mistake in mentioning who had brought her home and Maria jumped on him like a rattler about to be stepped on. Naturally, he reacted badly and it only got worse. Chas took off in his wheelchair like he always does.

Maria needed help cutting through some bone and called me over handing me the knife. I barely got started and she began micro managing my work. She also had her hands in my way trying to pull the ribs apart while I am trying to cut them. I stop, give her the knife back away and tell her we can’t both do this. Either she is doing it or I am. Don’t tell me how to do it. If it must be a certain way, do it yourself. If I am doing it I want the freedom to do it my way. She lets go. Good thing or I might have cut her fingers off. They hurt so bad at times she often talks about having them amputated.

Maria leaves and two other people, one after the other came to talk about her controlling ways and how they can’t stand it any more. When Maria returns, she asks, am I getting worse? Yes. Your micro management is as bad as that of the Ivory Tower. Stop trying to control and let people say what they want. There is no need to correct insignificant details to a story. But he was wrong, I went to get Marty and bring her back. That’s not technically true, Maria does not drive. She was in the car that went to get her. So what. Don’t sweat the little things. It is not important to be credited for everything. That’s what I think. I will be trying to release things to others gifts and skills and she will try to belittle them into giving them back to her. It should be a great summer.