I'M BACK AND I'M NERVOUS

I have been off line for so longI’m sure a couple of you have wandered away or wondered what happened to me. IfI were you I would have abandoned me by now. I understand it has been 12 days. If the truth were to be known (and its going to be rightnow) I seriously considered writing one last posting to tell you I was givingup my blog. I am aware there are times I have very little to say — especiallysince so many tenants have calmed way down.

I have had no energy for the pastcouple of weeks (excuse #2, #1 was that I have nothing to say). I get up, eatbreakfast and want to go back to sleep right after. My doctor is quit sure Ihave sleep apnea. He wants to schedule me for a test. I resent that option. Ican’t sleep the first couple of nights in a strange bed and the thought ofsomeone watching me while I have cords attached to my head is a sure way tokeep me awake all night. Take all the junk off and sent me home and I will fallasleep almost right away. Of course, I will be wide away in an hour or twoanyway. That was excuse #3 — poor sleep.

I have been sitting here trying tothink of more excuses, but decided to tell you I will be back for 3-4 writing aweek. It just dawned on me that I will be preaching next Sunday. I will keepyou up to date on my daily fears and trepidation.

When asked to speak a few weeks inadvance, I have never had trouble saying yes. However, during the last few saysrunning up to the event I regret I said yes ever. You would think I would havelearned.

It’s time to confess that evenafter 37 years of ministry, I was never the top man or the one in charge. I wassecond or third or even so far down the list you could not figure out where Iwas in the ascension list should the top man be offed. My training was inChristian Education, a field that no longer exists. Christian Education wasfirst replaced by the study of Church Growth. When that discipline came ontothe scene, they used all the same terms CE did, but were wearing a differentovercoat. I often felt like we were saying the same thing. That discipline wasimportant because it studied how to make your church bigger and better so youcould be successful. CE was not really about bigger, just better teaching. Forthe Church Growth perspective CE apparently was about taking care of kids andkeeping youth off the streets. Hear the cynicism. If not, read that paragraphagain. Solomon was right — there is nothing new under the sun.

Now you know what I preached tothe choir for years. We were replaced. That’s OK. Even the church mustcontinually reinvent itself. Not to change the message, but update the deliverysystem. I really wish I were a video man. Alas, I can only use the overhead(that’s an old machine that set by my desk on which I laid “transparencies”that would that be projected —Huh! What are transparencies? Forget it. Read ahistory book).

All that to say, I wish I had saidno! Unlike most times past, I have plenty of time. I’m not sure if that is goodor bad. It doesn’t matter, I am still nervous. When I was first asked I wastold I would speak on the last Sunday of September. Today is only the 18^th.How can next Sunday be the last of the month? I thought I had two weeks. I feellike I’m the student in school who wants to ask for an extension. I can’tremember if it is 12 or 15 years since I have done this. All I know is that Ithought it was over.

I never gave a single speech in myhigh school communications class. I passed because of paper work. In BibleCollege I got one B and the rest were lower. The first Sunday I preached inUniversity Drive Alliance I sat on the platform staring out at the 600 peopleand making myself sweat. When I got up to preach, I was so dry and nervous thatI reached under the pulpit for the glass of water and said in my deepest most seriouspastoral voice “Let us pray” then reached for the water, needed two hands tohold it steady, then took a quick drink only the see the ushers nearly rollingon the floor in laugher out in the foyer. I’m surprised I could even speakafter that.

I always liked teaching andusually sat on a table or walked around. I’m going to ask for a table. I can’twalk. They have a live pod cast of their service with a cameraman who sleepsduring the message. It can be found at Living Word Christian Center,Silverdale, WA. Live pod casts are at 7:00 p.m. Saturdays and 930 and 11:00Sunday mornings. I’m told the services are archived, but I went to the site andcouldn’t see where they were. I’ll ask around. Someone may know. Chas just camein. The archived messages are under “Media” then “Sermon Archive.”

It’s only Sunday with a week to go.My knees are not knocking yet, but the blood pressure is rising. I’m glad Idon’t have a doctor’s appointment this week.