HIGH COUNCIL

I went to a pre-counseling session yesterday with the goal to be part of a team that moderates a healing between Olivia and Chas. I was nervous as soon as I saw the group and had limited expectation of anything of significance being accomplished.

I have never been a fan of this approach to problem solving. While the members present have all listened to one or the other central member, it is safe to say we all have a bias against one the other.

We were informed that each additional meeting of the group would grow. The two professional coordinators of this conflict resolution group were present. One did all the talking and the other all the note taking. In addition, Olivia and Chas each invited two people.

The content of the meeting will use a Rogerian approach. Carl Rogers is considered the father of "client-centered therapy," Rogers has said that the counselor is to be "nondirective" in the sessions--his job is to reflect the counselee's responses back to him and, thus, set up a catalytic atmosphere of acceptance. Such an environment is supposed to allow the client to get in touch with the innate resources within him for successfully dealing with life and developing self-esteem.

This approach takes forever and accomplishes very little (in my humble opinion). It works this way: I can’t stand Olivia touching my things. Do I hear you saying you can’t stand Olivia touching your things? You bet your sweet bibby (old Laugh-in comment not actually said).

We had barely got through introductions when Karen launched into her fear and ager with Chas. Gertrude joined the condemnation round and the counselor let is go on for 45 minutes. Gail tried to interrupt a couple of times with some degree of success. I listened, fascinated by the anger. I saw no way this group would facilitate a healing when two of them could see no fault on the part of Olivia.

The counselor finally turned to me and asked what I was thinking. With reluctance I reiterated why I believed we were here and went back to the straw that broke the camels back.

One afternoon Chas was sitting by the fireplace drinking coffee and eating a role. He left to help clean up a bit in the kitchen. In doing so, he left an empty paper plate. A few moments later Olivia was bringing his empty place to the garbage. Chas was coming out of the kitchen, saw was she was doing and asked if that was his plate. It was, she said and he attacked her demanding that she never touch his things.

Here’s what none of us know for sure. What was Olivia’s motivation? Was she being helpful, or was she angry and hoped to annoy him. Her defendants believe she was being helpful. I hope that was her motivation, but past experience says she might have been trying to annoy him. But I do not know for sure any more than they do. We do not know who spoke first – Olivia or Chas. We do not know specifically what she said. We do know that neither likes the other and I would not put it past either one for wanting to start a fight.

Karen and Gertie could not believe Olivia would ever do that, so Gail and I regaled them with a list of the old antics she has done in our building and her denial only later to admit she was the guilty one. Frankly they are both guilty.

When asked did we want to continue with future meetings, I hesitated. I believe the session could turn into a bash Chas hate fest. He has changed. Few see it or believe it. I do not believe he has the emotional capacity to cope with a couple hours of condemnation and attacks.

This led to another 35 minutes of what would be accomplished and everyone agreed this would not be a bash Chas session. I still do not believe that as the group will grow by four more people and another four will be included at the following session.

I could not believe that. Every time new people are added, old ground needs to be covered. I was assured this works and he has years of experience to support that. I still have doubts but I will go to the meetings to help prevent the stabbing of Caesar by Brutus and others of the senate. I suspect several will exit with blood on their hands, but I will try to at least keep him alive.