I DON'T SEE YOU

It’s been two weeks. They were pleasant weeks for me. I have no idea how it was for Maria. All I know is what I observe or don’t observe. I told her I wanted a couple weeks of space. That ended yesterday.

I saw her only twice. She reserved for me her harshest response. Treating me like I do not exist or she cannot see me. Both incidents occurred in the commons room. The first incident caught her off guard. I have been in the room having coffee and we got into some interesting conversation so I was there longer than usual. She returned from shopping with someone who had a car. Not expecting to see me she started around the corner, looked up, saw me sitting there and immediately turned around and walked out of my site. I assumed she had not plans to be in the same room with me. The action gave me pause. I have dropped to her “I absolutely hate you list.” It was confirmed a few days later at a meeting to explain how the new automatic doors worked. She was sitting with a friend facing the back wall. When I arrived, I took a seat at the next able and faced the direction of the speaker. That meant I also faced Maria. She got up, moved around her table and put a post between her and I. She was subtle.

I assumed if the gap were ever to be bridged, I would have to begin the building process. I am not sure a bridge can be built. There are two others here in her bad books and she will not be in the same room or in their line of site. If she can’t get out of their view she turns her chair away or puts her hand up to block the view. Reminds me of the actions of little kids. She is very obvious with these women. So far, she has said nothing about our little conflict. She has not been absent enough for people to be aware of any conflict with us. She covered herself by telling people she was going to take a break from coffee. She stopped coming to two things: coffee and BBQ’s. The BBQ’s ended for the season last night. She is free of that and only missed two.

Maria is a very social person. She must be involved in everything. Monthly we go out as a group to eat. There are shopping trips, potluck dinners, etc. She has never missed an event. Halloween is her favorite holiday. It will kill her not to get dressed up.

I wrote a note to express my desires to reconcile, put it into my pocket and went to talk to her personally. The note was a backup. She was home and called for me to come it. It was obvious that she did not expect me to have been at the door. I asked if I could talk to her and she said NO. I sat down at the table to talk. I told her how much I missed seeing her and would like to return to some common activities. She blamed me and accused me of intentionally leaving her behind. She acknowledged no fault and blamed me for everything. She reminded me that I did not want to see her. I did not say that, I said I wanted some space for a couple of weeks. That time is finished.

I did my best to remain calm and inviting. I told her I was going to a movie on Tuesday and would invite her to come along. She remained angry that I had come. She clearly will not forgive or accept her part. I reminded her that I was going to be kind and accepting of her regardless of her response to me. I got up, gave her my written note and left. Only time will tell if she will welcome me into her life. If I am to be banned, it will sure ruin some of my stories.