COME ON IN

The natives are restless. They would be on the warpath if there were a path and had any energy. We got notices today of an annual inspection a week from today. We have these every year. In fact we usually have inspections about four times a year. We had a small one a week ago by one of the investment banks. They usually just sample apartments. In our building I only know of one being entered. There are two others banks with money in the place and they will come at sometime in the future. Since each investor knows of the others, I would appreciate them getting together and all coming at the same time. I guess that’s too much to ask.

Our housing authority will conduct this inspection. They have promised to enter every apartment. Some take that as a threat, but it’s normal. What has ticked us off is the extensive list of items on this year’s checklist. I’ve managed apartments and annual inspections are typical to determine the safety and state of each unit. They normally look for dripping water or leaks (management pays for water), items in front of heaters (apartment designers give no thought to where furniture will be placed), working smoke detectors, and general housekeeping.

Next weeks inspection goes beyond the call of duty with it’s ten points. Some are even funny because we do have items in front of some things. Consider this. Clear the space in front of the heaters. OK, makes sense. One side of each double window must be clear. What? If I did this, I would not have wall space. My living room has only one inside wall and that is the only place my sofa will fit. I could get out of one living room window by knocking over some TV trays and out of the bedroom by knocking over a small bookcase. The question really is: could I get my leg up and over the sill to get out. I don’t know. And what about the people on the second floor? None would jump.

They want us to move any items blocking our exits. Weird request. We have only one door. If items blocked the door we could not get in or out. No one misses the daily mail.

Are all appliances clean? This is explosive. They have never before said they were going inside our refrigerators. Most are worried about an evaluation of their lifestyle. We have a lady who is often drunk. I can only imagine her stash. As for me, it’s near the end of the month. My fridge will be almost empty. This will be an excuse to get rid of the green fuzzy stuff.

They have asked that we mop, vacuum and wipe down our walls. Right. My ceiling is ten feet high. I have no ladder and don’t climb any more. If they want my walls cleaned, bring in the paint crew.

The proof that this is some standard form from who knows where comes in the last request. Clean your front yard, back yard and lawn. Whew1 One I don’t have to worry about.

I’m not worried. I have tried to explain that they will not check all these things. They haven’t scheduled enough time. They want to go home as much as we want them to go home. And we want them to go home.