HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE MARIA

I got over being mad. There is really no point holding anger. It only hurts the person holding it. I was not going to let one person’s anger destroy my joy. The hurt was the loss of one more artisan in an already small show. But, with her personality, I was likely to have a blow out at some point. Today is better than the day of the show. It’s ancient history. There are always new issues to face.

In the last couple of days I have been listening to people so angry with Maria they could spit nails. Everyone knows what she is like, but they continue to put themselves in harms way. In this case the harm her mouth. She is harsh. I don’t believe she always means it as bad as it sounds, but it is hard to ignore her tone. Tone and body language always trump words. We can say, that is not what I meant, but to avoid confusion, all three need to line us. Maria cannot or will not do that.

I was at the puzzle the other days when Mavis rolled up to see how the puzzle was doing. She had not been working on it. But when she saw the animals she had done it before and wanted to work on the zebra. It was her favorite part. She had just started when Maria came and almost screamed that she was doing the zebra and to leave it alone. Mavis backed off and was preparing to leave. Maria said, ok, go ahead. It doesn’t matter. But the tone was of frustration and anger. Mavis stopped anyway because the tone communicated that it did matter.

A few minutes later Maria left and Mavis and I were still talking. I told her to go ahead. Maria can’t even see the pieces since she had her last eye doctor appointment. But why is she like that. I didn’t touch that. I have my ideas, but I am certainly not sure. Her niece says she is just an old woman who has had her way all the time and lets everyone know where they stand with her – under her foot. Maybe!

Her treatment of Kiki is irritating almost everyone. Kiki was a WW2 war bride from Japan who fell madly in love with a tall good-looking soldier who brought her to South Dakota from her metropolitan life in Japan. She never drove and got around by train. Public transportation in South Dakota was non-existent. Surprise. While her husband was at work Kiki remained in the small town waiting for a time her would take her places, any place. She lived under his thumb and was frequently criticized for her uselessness. It took her years to get the courage to divorce him.

Her sister, still in Japan, writes often to complain about her weight. But she pays for flights home once a year and so Kiki does all she can to stay skinny. She is not fat, but maybe by Japanese standards. Add to that Maria’s constant putdowns and you have a fairly nervous lady. Watch her hands. Her thumbs rotate above locked figures often. She paces. She mumbles to herself. She feels dependent on Maria to go places and do things. She isn’t, but she feels like she is. Now people tell her they wouldn’t put up with that kind of treatment, why does she? History helps explain it.

So, people don’t like Maria’s treatment of them or Kiki. But Maria is a strong personality. They struggle to avoid hurting her feelings. However, she is unconcerned about their feelings. Small remarks make her think and she does change for a brief time, but returns to her old ways quickly.

Maria is facing her mortality. Her strength is waning. She eyesight is declining, her balance is shaky, her own emotions are fragile and she is worried and frightened, but unwilling to let that show. Her defense is attacking others. Not nice, but she feels protected. People are beginning to build their own little shelters from Maria. They are somewhat like bomb shelters of the 50’s, but you have to come out sometime and the radiation never dissipates.