Thursday, January 5, 2012

JUST A MINUTE

What could the words “Just a minute” possibly mean? Could it mean “I’ll be right with you.” How about “I’m busy right now, but I will be there soon.” Maybe “I’m tied up right now, hang on.”

I am reasonably sure it does not mean, “Come one in.” That interpretation is not even close.

I had just gone into the bathroom. I live alone. I do not shut my bathroom door. I have never felt there was a need. Neither do I lock my door. So, the door opened and the disembodied voice said, “I’m in.” Wait! I thought I said “Just a minute.” I’m confused. It never occurred to me that could be interpreted as, “Come on in.” But she did. She walked right in past my bathroom door to my desk, said she left a Red Lobster coupon on my desk, turned around and left.

I’m not so embarrassed that I was in the bathroom. I was standing. I had my back to the door. I was ticked off that she felt she could walk in regardless of what I said and do what she wanted. It was just a piece of paper. SLIDE IT UNDER THE DOOR!

With an insignificant thing like a coupon, people normally slide it under the door. What was wrong with her? I know. She wanted me to know that she brought the note for me. Right now, I pretty much want her out of my life.

This is the woman that seems to believe she is personally responsible for my health choices. She showed up last night with the most god-awful tasting concoction that has touched my lips in years. She tried to tell me what was in it and the only word I remember is red peppers. I didn’t even recognize most of the other words. When I asked what it was, she forcefully told me that so-and-so upstairs thought it was delicious. That did not answer my question. I still did not know what it was. Is it vegetable, mineral or animal? I was pretty sure we were about to play 20 questions. It did not look like anything I has ever seen. It was somewhat runny. Maybe a little like a bad bowl of oatmeal with specks of red, black and green. It was somewhat brown with an orange tinge. It had not distinct smell, but there was also not enticing aroma.

I was still trying to pry out of her what it was. Is it a dip? It can be. It would be great with some delicate crackers. Delicate crackers? What’s wrong with saltines? Should I put anything on it? If you want to! What if I didn’t want to. That’s OK too. None of that was answering my questions. When I finally asked, what is its main purpose, she was upset with me. In a sarcastic tone she said it is used like a potato, rice or risotto. FINALLY! Why didn’t you say so.

Well, they liked it upstairs. I really wanted to say, take it back upstairs, but I decided to play nice. Thank you. I will try it. She left. I dipped my finger to get a taste and went and spit it out. I have already discarded it down the toilet. I’m a bad boy.

Today’s discount coupon is good for $4 off any two dinners or $3 off any two lunches. Did you get that? TWO! Maybe I’m reading something into this that I shouldn’t, but why did she bring it. It came in today’s mailbox ads that were put into everyone’s mailboxes. I had already seen them and already thrown mine away. I guess I’m not very grateful. I need to develop an attitude of gratitude — but not with her.

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