TOXIC FRIENDS

I was watching a news report this morning on toxic relationships. I have taught the same class three times in my later years of ministry so was interested on what they had to say and to see if any new information was forth coming.

The report said 8 in 10 people endure toxic friendships (why 8 in 10? why not 1 in five? – huh?) “They belittle and backbite and drive us batty with their soul-sucking behavior. Who are these hideous people? Our ... um ... friends, according to a joint survey conducted by TODAY.com and SELF magazine.”

What’s new? I want to meet that one in five person who does not have a toxic relationship. Maybe they don’t know toxic when it bites them on the nose. I am aware that some people have a higher tolerance level than others. I generally see myself as one of those people but when I crack, get out of the way.

“Just how bad are our so-called friends? Sixty-five percent of you have been stuck with a self-absorbed sidekick (easily recognized by their fondness for the words “I, me, mine”) while 59 percent have been buds with one of those draining emotional vampire types.” I live near three of these self-absorbed people. Two of them can barely stand to hear another person speak. You cannot even enter the conversation when they take a breath — because they don’t breath. If I’m sitting at coffee and one of these self-absorbed ladies arrives, I do my best to make a pleasant and discreet exit. If I let her get started, escape is difficult. Besides, I’m exhausted hearing about her very large family and endless number of friends. If I could remember their names or even cared, I could write her family history.

Yes, we also have plenty of the emotional vampires. I have discussed Olivia in the past. She is the number one emotional vampire at The Home. I have never had a conversation with her where she has not complained about something. She drove in the exit one Thursday when we were BBQing. I do that in the exit driveway. There is still plenty of room for cars to get by. When she came in Chas called to me to watch the car since it was coming from my blind side. After she parked she came to ask me if Chas had called her car a whale. He didn’t, but it is. She calls the office over more minor and insignificant issues that anyone else. After talking to her one needs a nap to recover.

“Overly critical chums were next on the toxic friend hit list, with 55 percent of people having to suffer through their self-righteous stink eyes or critical tirades.” Obviously Olivia fits here as well. However, the group is vastly expanded with the better than thou critics. They drain the life right out of any group. If seem like the live for a feast of happiness and fun so they can devour it. It only takes a few of these to ruin an event.

“Friends who undermined with insults or backhanded compliments came in at No. 4, with 45 percent admitting they were buds with a backstabber.” We all have on of these friends. They pass their backhanded compliments off as jokes, but the cut to the core.

Then there is the Flake. The make promises they don’t keep and appointments they don’t keep. It is like they don’t want to say no or hurt your feeling so they agree to things they have no intention of doing. It is like they have no concept that their action hurts even more.

I guess our only option it to hibernate, isolate or extricate. If we cut ourselves off from these types of people we may be down to only 2-3 friends. Come to think of it, 2-3 friends is all the real ones most of us have.