SENIOR FEARS

One thing that increases with age is fear. Some of those fears make sense. We are finally very much aware of our mortality. We are no longer the teen who seems to believe that nothing bad will ever happen to them. I was like that. Actually, nearly all of us were like that.

Sports work well for youth. They never really think of the potential danger. I loved jumping from high places, landing in a roll and ending up on my feet. It never occurred to me that any of that might be dangerous. I played football in the days before “our” little league all had equipment. Even when the only touchdown I ever scored was at a goal line stand and I rushed in where angels fear to tread and stopped the punt with the end of my nose, I still loved playing. The touchdown came when I fell on the ball holding my bleeding nose that stopped the ball. I really wanted to cry, but the team thought I was some kind of hero. Actually I was just a little kid who wanted his mommy. In my case that would have been problematic as my mother told me I was not to play football. My parents both accepted that I might have been in a fight.

Fundamentally, seniors fear death. Not all of course, but most. The fear of death brings on other fears. Every ache, pain and new diagnosis brings us closer to the death fear. While some die in tragic accidents, most die of illnesses. I do not fear death. I fear an extended painful illness. My mother died of a heart attack and was gone about four hours later. My sister died of a blood clot while sleeping on the soda. Both were reasonably fast. One the other hand, my dad suffered over a number of years. The pain is more threatening than death.

We increasingly fear activities that can bring physical harm or struggles. I no longer jump off of high places. Two feet seems too high. I hang on to something even when climbing a two-step ladder. I can’t remember the last time I jumped. I know for sure that old white men can’t jump. Running is out of the question. We are happy and content if we can walk. We fear anything that smells of danger even things that once never frightened us.

Many are frightened of people. Maybe they have always lived in neighborhoods with people they knew and trusted. There seems to be some in every apartment complex that appear frightening. Some really are frightening. We don’t know what they will do: attack us, steal from us, or ridicule us. All are outside our comfort zones. I know some will not share an elevator, table, sitting area or space with certain others. They are afraid of what might happen. Our imagination is often worse than the truth.

These fears lead to isolation. Nothing will happen if I stay in my room. That is the believe of a fairly high percentage of our residents. Something is happening to me and I cannot leave my room. Some have illnesses that keep them locked up. Fear of strangers is high. Loud people are threats. Aggressive people are to be avoided.

Fear is a constraint we place on our own freedoms. We lock ourselves up believing we are protecting ourselves when we are really enhancing and exaggerating our fears. I believe some of these are legitimate concerns, but should never be the source of our concentration and focus. When we get out with people there is help available when necessary. When we connect with people there are those who check on us out of concern.

I have several support systems, thankfully. And most of them will worry for me, so I can save my energy.