After two years of trying to make things happen that will bring the tenants together, I am about to give up the task. I doubt that it will be a big deal as attendance has ground to a near halt. We have had two picnics this summer with three people at each one. Once a month we schedule a meal out. The first one of the year drew about thirty people and I thought this was going to be a great event. The slide began immediately and now draws five-six. Our regular Thursday night BBQ’s which had attendance of about eighteen attended last summer but is running six to eight people now. This might still be worth it. I haven’t fully decided yet. I have offered to drive people to various discounted movies and never had a taker. The same is true for specific shopping trips, as many have no way to get to stores other than the bus. On the other hand, if I can get the administration to spring for some meat, we can get a group of about 25-30. If someone is giving them free food, at least the meat part, they come and load up plates to take back home.
I biggest problem for me is that I need to be ready to go to all these events. I was sick one day for a meal out and the small group canceled. They didn’t need me. We usually walk to these places I have tried to schedule all our meals out within four blocks. Even I have been surprised at how many restaurants there are so close.
I am somewhat concerned for that small group who seem to attend everything. I will still plan a few events for the regulars. At least I will not be disappointed at the turnout. I will always know who is coming.
Unfortunately, I do know some of the problems and I have not been able to correct them. First, the bitterness of some toward others means these people will not go to the same events. Second, we have done a terrible job of enfolding the people who have moved in during the past several months. That one is a catch twenty-two situation. It is difficult to include people who never initiate connection by coming out of their apartments. We have not had very social people moving in the past several months. You can’t connect with people you never see.
This isn’t all about numbers. Although I wouldn’t put it past a former pastor from evaluating success by attendance. You know those guys. I really hate to admit it, but my get up and go seems to be getting up and going away. Also, while I’m not a wealthy person, I would like to go with a group to live theater ($10-$12), or a nicer restaurant that may cost over $12, or to some other attraction that costs — every fun activity is not free. I can’t do this all the time, and I don’t. But I have a very small group I can do this with. When I announce an event with a cost, the complaining is massive. I get sore ears. They want the housing organization to pay for it — actually they expect it.
I am going to give them the opportunity to plan their own activities. Some will. There have even been small groups who will come separately to our planned events and either sit apart or come on a different day. Go figure. There is some anger and bitterness here. I hope they enjoy their misery. They already complain about there being nothing to do here. Now they will be right.
3 comments:
Personally, I have never felt the need to be part of a group, and in fact never attend any work functions outside of work or go to church.
Some people just don't care for group activities. I understand that.
It seems with groups, one just hangs around superficially interacting anyway, which to me, feels like a waste of time.
I prefer the one on one, or the smaller groups. For some people, being in a big group can be lonely.
Maybe try to put a note under the door of the newbies and invite them on activities - with either one or two people where you can *actually* get to know them?
OR - Could be they are forewarned about the drama swirling about the home and they are trying to avoid it!
:)
Either way, I wouldn't take offense at the non-participating mode everyone is in. Maybe it's a good thing!
Ironically, I don't really take offense. And I understand that lack of need for group activities.I am often that same way. When I arrived there were large group events and it was a great place to connect. That is gone and many may have been forewarned of the drama. That's a good point. But I am tired. I have no personal need to try and create events people do not want. I have never had trouble entertaining myself or finding a few people with whom to connect.
In my optomistic days living in Kelowna, I invited "friends" from work to a pre-Christmas party at my place. I spent days cooking and baking all sorts of goodies...and at least 30 people had promised to come.
TWO showed up. What can I say, it's a cliquey town, and people are flakes = probably more so there than anywhere else I have lived.
Since then, I haven't ever attended or put on another function...or have any interest in any work "friendships". They are only work people...and I find I have enough personal friends outside of work that I enjoy being with.
It does get exhausting to keep knocking on a door that just doesn't want to open. Begging people to participate just isn't worth the effort. I don't blame you at all for letting it go.
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