READ THE LABEL

A friend sent this little item to me on facebook today. I loved it.

“I figured out why I'm fat! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says ‘For extra volume and body’. I'm going to start using ‘Dawn’ dish soap. It says ‘ Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove’.”

I have been reading labels for several years now, its not because I’m a health fiend it was because I must. It stated with just looking for sugar. I rarely read more then was absolutely necessary. I needed to reduce my sugar intake. I hated that because I love sugar. Not handfuls of refined sugar licking my hand until its all gone. I wanted it in baked goodies. I will eat some candy, but have always had a hard time passing up pies, cakes, squares – especially what my wife made. I blame it all on her. She was an excellent cook. Now had she cooked like my mother I would probably be skinny. I loved mom, but she could not cook – at least not like my wife.

Each new disease has forced me to read more of the label. Now I need to know about fat, sodium, sugar. I have pretty much decided that if it tastes great, I should not eat it. I am sure that if I hate the food it will be good for me. At least I would eat less. The elimination of dairy has done me the most noticeable good. My whole system works like a car with a change of oil — smooth.

I wish people came with labels. I think I’m pretty good about reading people, but a crisp clear, concise label would help me get there faster. I want to know if they snap like a turtle. Then I could tape their mouth. Do they squeeze like a boa? I would stay out of range. Do they bite like a rabid dog? Look at the label and run. Those labels are easy. I am more concerned about the ones who change.

Great initial presentation, but will stab you in the back. Often you have to wait until you have been stabbed before you know who they are. Or how about love to get you to talk about your problems but cannot keep a secret. I solve that by telling everyone what one might think is a secret. That means there are no secrets. That really rattles a person.

I don’t want these labels stamped on their rears. It would be embarrassing to have them pull their dress up or pants down so I can check their label. Might see more than I should. I think they should wear these labels like a nametag. Hello, my name is Suzie. I’m a gossip. Be careful what you tell me. Hello, my name is Fred. I hate talking to people. Go away. Hello, my name is Betty. I’m looking for a man, any man will do, how about you?

I can pick much of that stuff up rather quickly, but since I’m in the label reading routine now, it would sure make my life easier. Hello, my name is Clyde. I like people. Why is it that I like myself so much?

Tomorrow is the big social group counseling experiment. A pile of people gathered to straighten two people out. I'm expecting a disaster, but I never liked Rogets theory of counseling. Do I hear you saying you are mad. YES! Just tell 'em like it is and forget the crowd. I can't even imagine the gossip that will come out of this.