PUBLIC SPEAKING

We got a letter today from the Counseling Center for Serious and Obnoxious Behavior Resolution or whatever it’s called. They want another meeting March 31. I visited Chas today to try and talk him out of going. He said he didn’t want to go, but he is very curious about what might be said and he is very spontaneous. Gail had already told him she is not going. I told him that I do not want to go but I will not let him go in there without someone on his side. He has said he will not go, but I will probably only know for sure a few minutes before the meeting.

At church yesterday, the pastor of the little church I attend asked me preach sometime in the future. I like the word” sometime.” It’s not specific. It has no permanence. It’s unconfirmed and noncommittal even if I say yes.

I haven’t preached in over ten years. I’m not even sure I like the word preach. I know when women speak from the pulpit in church they often “share,” but must a man preach? Weird. Actually — I kind of like the idea! I sort of want to know if I could do it again. I have my doubts, but limited fear. I suppose I’m too stupid to be frightened. Besides I was never nervous or even concerned about speaking until was time to do it. Saying yea to something months in advance is no big deal. But of course, judgment day must come.

It is easy to think it is just a small group, but I attend the smallest of three services and that one is nearly half empty. The building only holds about 120 so none cane be huge. My first church was around 600 and I was a lousy, unconfident, and C average in speech class speaker. I tend not to display signs of fear, but my insides were a mess. When it came time to walk to the pulpit I felt like I would fall when I stood and my mouth was dry. I had seen the senior pastor take a drink from a glass placed under the pulpit most Sundays. When I reached for the glass my hands were trembling so bad I grabbed the glass with both hands and said let us pray. I thought at least the congregation wouldn’t see how bad I was shaking. But the back of the church was a glass wall diving it from the auditorium and none of the ushers closed their eyes. They saw what I was dong and laughed their fool heads off. That helped. I felt like I had nothing to lose after that. And by the way I did pray. I prayed for calmness and control. At least my voice didn’t tremble. At least I don’t think it did. I talked, but sis I say anything? Humm?