A FIRST SETTLEMENT

I have been worried about my friend Chas. He is torn between his heart and the law. He wants to apologize to Olivia but the court order says he may not talk to her.

He took the Access bus at 7:30 Monday to the courthouse. After he was loaded a woman called out asking whom he was. He introduced himself and they had a normal new acquaintance chat. As he was leaving the bus she mentioned that he had a very nice voice. It was only then he became aware she was blind.

I awoke about 8:30 and prayed for Chas. He was very nervous and had no idea what was going to happen. Sunday afternoon he was feeling like everything was his fault. I visited him and gave him the letter he requested but advised him not to give it to the judge. Wait and see what happens and just answer any questions as truthfully as possible.

He was encouraged that the head of the housing corporation was present and their lawyer. Neither spoke at the hearing. The judge was kind and tactful. He did not threaten either party and allowed Olivia a sense of satisfaction. Chas was restrained from going into her apartment and talking with her apart from a counselor being present. The corporate head advised them both that they had placed on retainer Coalition Counseling to mediate all resident relationships. It will be available to all residents who want it, but when issues cannot be resolved it will become a requirement. The company was no longer going to mediate these petty relationship issues.

Amen. Glory Hallelujah. Forever and ever amen! Let it be. This might become a full time job for this company. The business is located two blocks away but will come here. Their meeting is two weeks away.

Chas is OK with the decisions and looking forward to more peace. He doesn’t want to go to her apartment or talk to her. When he got on the Access bus to return he was greeted by the same blind lady who said it’s you – the man with the nice voice. This was like a gift from God as one complaint Olivia had was about his loud voice. When get got home and closed his apartment door he looked at all the Christmas cards he has received and they were all from friends here at The Home. He went through them and gave thanks for the support and encouragement. He had been wondering if he just moved maybe things would be better for everyone. No they wouldn’t. Olivia is a bitter woman who has not had a happy day in her life since her husband died 16 years ago. She was a woman of faith at one time and taught Sunday school. Now she is angry at life and God. I have tried to tell her (as have others) that everyone dies. It is normal. He was in his 80’s and he had a very full life. But God took him away from her. In most married relationship where the couple does not die together, one is taken from the other. The chance of one of you becoming a widow or widower is very high. It’s a given of life. But from experience and in spite of statistics, the woman does not always die first.

I guess people have to blame someone and God has bigger shoulders than us all. It never occurred to me to blame God when my wife died. She had a life threatening disease and it took over and won. It happens. I feel like King David (from the Bible) who wept and cried before God while his infant son was sick and dying. When the baby passed he got up, washed himself and stopped the mourning. People were perplexed that he was no longer crying for his son, but David said I plead before God before he died, but he is now gone. He washed, put on clean clothes and continued with life.

That’s a shortened version of what most of us do. It took a couple of years to get over the worst of it for me. She was and I suppose, still is the love of my life. I still have moments and will have them the rest of my life that bring tears. But there is a time for mourning and a time for joy. I do not believe anyone can exactly pinpoint that moment to move on. It is different for us all. But there is a time to move on and discontinue the blame game. Ones anger is felt by all around them. Neighbors want friendship, not arguments and bitterness. By the time you get to our age you have had plenty of anger to deal with. More of us want joy and laughter. We want the rest of our time to be pleasant. Few want to invest time in seeking out pain.

Olivia may feel like she could find a better more friendly place to live. No she can’t. She is her main problem and she will take that with her.