THE DAY AFTER

It was a thrill to walk into my daughter’s house and see the new stove. It is beautiful. My son-in-laws-brother arrived early on Saturday to correct the wiring problem. No problem for him. It was done without issue. Even better than seeing the stove was seeing her cooking on the stovetop with items in the oven as well. I had a brief cry again.

I love my son-in-laws family but I did approach the evening with some trepidation. The house is small. The living room, dining room and kitchen are all one room. While the kids could play some in the kid’s bedrooms upstairs, I suspected they would mostly be down stairs. They were.

The noise level built gradually. The early arrivers were able to play outside for a while. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining. It looked like we should set out and decorate a palm tree. A light sweatshirt was all that was needed.

When all the cousins are together, there are nine. The last arrivals have four. They are loud and not always controlled. I watched the daughter peal an orange and drop the skins into an open bagged Christmas gift. I was the furthest adult from her, but maybe the only one who saw the action. I wanted to scream at her, but like a nice little grandpa I kept my mouth shut. I am not the parent.

While the noise was already at a Piper Cub sound level, it quickly grew to a Boeing 747 level. Getting their attention for prayer was a major undertaking. It took very little time for my head to begin throbbing. I could not follow any conversation and the chaos built until my nerves seemed to crash in. I pulled my daughter aside and tried to explain what was happening to me. I then excused myself and went home.

As I was driving away I noticed my churches Christmas Eve service was starting in fifteen minutes. I arrived only five minutes late. It was so peaceful and calm. It helped me come down gently. There was a beautiful violin as part of the smaller worship band. Peaceful. I needed that. It was good to be in the house of the Lord.

I was wiped out when I got home, but chose to finish my latest J.A. Jance mystery book. Great ending. She handles ending smoothly. They are dramatic, but not drawn out. After the killer is determined and caught, usually in the very true to life ways, there is a chapter taking the character back to normal life. I like that.

I returned to my daughters Christmas Day to be with just them. It was wonderful. We all have a great deal of excitement about that day. While excited, the kids are older and completely under control. I loved it. I left about 5:00 and came home only to fall asleep three times in my recliner. I had no reason to stay up even though was early but I could not seem to stay awake long enough make it to the bedroom. So, when I finally did wake up enough to move myself, I was wide-awake for another couple of hours. Yuck. I know I will nap off an on most of the day and I’m looking forward to it. My apartment needs to be cleaned, but tomorrow or the next day it can be done. After all, it is only I walking around in the dirt and I don’t mind — especially when it is my dirt.

CHRISTMAS MIRACLES

What a day — what a night!

Today was a miracle. I was so overwhelmed I lost it emotionally. I cried and cried and cried — all tears of overwhelming joy. I can’t even remember the last time I felt such delight.

I got a call near 3:00 from the office of The Home. I was told someone has called trying to reach me. They wanted my wanted my phone number and address. The manager would not give out my phone number. I general address would be easy to find. So they left a message. I was to call a certain person at Home depot to make arrangements for new stove to be delivered to my daughter’s house.

I began trembling immediately. My voice quivered, but I did not fall apart then. I had a dozen questions the manager either could not or would not answer. She is a wonderful and stoic woman. No one can get secrets out of her. Just call the number, she said.

When I got off the phone I was visibly shaken. I had to call my daughter and tell her of the Christmas Miracle God had just given to us all. We are so blessed. We were not asking for help, at least not consciously. We were working on a plan and had the concept well in hand. Just a couple of details yet to decide. My bank had offered me a credit card with no interest until March 2013. I figured we could put the stove on the card and have an interest free year to pay it off.

So the offer for a free stove came out of nowhere. I have some guilt believing I may have planted a seed to get that stove, but that was never a thought. I was absolutely shocked and thrilled with the gift. God provides even when we least expect it. We are all so thankful to whomever provided this wonderful gift. We would love to tell them directly. Since we are blind as to the source, I am using every outlet I have to express my gratitude, our gratitude. Like my daughter says. We don't deserve this, but that does not mean we are not grateful.

That is not the only gift. A wonderful little girl from my first youth group offered to set up a blog for my art in hops that I might sell some. That also caught me off guard. She has suggested she would help before, but I wasn’t sure I even wanted to try. But God has even changed my mind in this and her offer kicked me over the brink. I love her (this now adult just slightly younger than me us being used of God to bless me. I don’t know what all is happening right now, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude. These are truly Christmas Miracles.

I just got a call from my daughter. They went and picked out the stove and it is being delivered on Thursday. Since Chris (a high school teacher) is now home. He will be there for the delivery. Also, his brother is coming early on Saturday to repair the electrical problem. He has done a lot of that.

On another note, my cable TV went crazy over the weekend. Intermittently I could not turn it off or on. I could not change the channel, I could not pause it. Nothing. No button did what it should. I spend an hour on the phone with the cable company. They finally decided they needed a tech on site. He comes Wednesday. That is good for me. I can now only watch one channel (CBS). Since most of what I watch is on CBS, I will be able to watch NCIS tomorrow. Otherwise I have no excuse not o finish the drawing I must finish. Yeah! God is good.

STRESS FOR CHRISTMAS

I have known theoretically that a person can have stress and not recognize they have it. We may even know the signs of stress and not accept them as stress. I prefer the kind of stress you feel. You know, good old-fashioned aches and pains, even diarrhea or constipation or chest pain and a rapid heartbeat. While I don’t enjoy any of these (and who would) they at least make me wonder if I might be stressed. When my shoulders tighten up and I can’t shake that off, it is stress. For me, it is always stress. It may start in the shoulders, but it reaches my stomach in no time.

What I don’t always get are some of the intellectual responses. I can’t say I ever considered that memory problems may be a sign of stress. My neurosurgeon suggested that might be a connection. I would tell you everything he said, but I can’t remember.

Inability to concentrate is another one he suggested. That may explain the flitting around of the past weeks. The inability to stay focused. I jump from one task to another often not finishing any of them in a timely manner. The only thing I remember sticking with was a James Patterson novel I had to know what was happening. I’m about 3-4 chapters from finishing off another J.A. Jance novel. I actually fell asleep, in bed, reading last night. I jerked awake when the book fell out of my hands to the floor. I have got to finish that today.

While books are a relaxation for me, I have a drawing I must finish for two reasons. The man wants it before Christmas and I need the money. I van only stay at the drawing board so long before concentration wanes. That is usually when I it a spot I am struggling with or is not coming together right. The drawing is a portrait of a couple. I always start with the eyes, nose and mouth. If those are not right, the drawing is not right. I captured the guy right away. I am having trouble with the woman’s right eye, more accurately the space between the eye and eyebrow. It actually does help to step away awhile. I know how to fix it this morning – just haven’t started yet.

I know I have felt somewhat overwhelmed. I had a lot going on beginning in November. It seems worse now. I was going to surprise my daughter by having her stove repaired for Christmas. I had it all worked out. I met a repairman at her house while all were at work. Guess what? It can’t be repaired. She needs a new stove. That is not going to happen. Since she is hosting a Christmas Eve gathering of the family Saturday night, we have been trying to figure out how to put this off. I can prepare anything needing cooked in the oven. Her stovetop still works. But I can’t stop trying to figure out how to keep everything warm and be there for the early part of the evening.

Yes, stress has slowed me down. When I finish the one drawing I have left, I will begin the slow down stage. I will welcome that with open arms. Retirement is suppose to be stress free. Maybe I should retire. Maybe I should just not stress out so much. I have never figured out how to get my body to cooperate with my mind. Please do not give me advise on how to accomplish that. It will just give me more stress.

If I have not yet built some stress up in you, you are a well-developed and emotionally healthy person. Congratulations! That’s what I want for Christmas. I already have my two front teeth.

I'LL BE BACK

I have a lot I want to tell you, but it will be Sunday before I can write. I have my art show tomorrow, and a portrait I am working on that needs to be done by Sunday. Frankly I need the money, so it will happen. Hope you check back with me Sunday evening or Monday morning.

DO I HAVE A BRAIN

Do any of you remember those suction tubes one found by nearly every department store cash register years ago? I think I saw one in a Costco not long ago. They were designed to whisk money away from the cashier to? Humm, to where? I wonder! So yesterday I was literally stuck in one of those human suction tubs for about thirty minutes. She sweetly says please lay down on this meat slab. They had kindly placed a white paper napkin for me to lie on. I felt like I was about to be wrapped, labeled and put in some meat counter display case.

“Now, don’t move your head.” I don’t even know why she bothered to male that comment. My head was laid down in a wedge like head shape attached to the slap. He stuffed little rubber like cones into my ears so I wouldn’t hear the saw, I presume. She then wedged my head with what felt like a rubber block on either side of my head so I couldn’t move it if I tried. If that wasn’t bad enough, I suffered the ultimate indignity when she slapped this Hannibal Lector type device over my face so I could do my imitation of Anthony Hopkins. I don’t know whom they thought I was going to eat. Next I was glided into the suction tube to be whisked away to who knows where. I was about to find out where all that money goes. I doubted I would make any of the tube turns since I barely fit inside. I was sure I would be stuck at the first corner.

Well, I didn’t go anywhere. I just lay there while some guys with jackhammers pounded away on every side of me. It didn’t take long before my nose began to itch. Fat chance it was every going to be scratched. I wiggled my nose as best I could and try to make it go away. I think water torture feels something like that. I was willing to tell them anything they wanted to know if I could just have my nose scratched.

I have had an MRI once before the days of bondage. Admittedly it was easier to remain still. What else could I do? The tube has this weird mirror like contraption so I could sort of see the operator out at my feet. The picture quality was fuzzier than a TV with an antenna. It was one of those “we now see darkly” kinds of things.

I was somewhat dizzy when I got up. Naturally she told me nothing so I’m still not sure if I have a brain.

That afternoon I went for an EEG. I love medical terms. They are purposely designed to keep the novice in the dark about what you are taking or are going to happen. It’s like ignorance is bliss. I assure it — it ain’t. In this little experiment in poking and prodding I had 26 wires attached to my head. First she rubbed various spots on my head trying to remove my hair. At least it felt like that. She then rubbed some funky glue type gel to hold the prods to my scalp. After all were attached, she asked me to lay back and close my eyes. That part was easy. Since I was up before God, I was ready for my afternoon nap. I felt nothing and I definitely nodded. Actually, I definitely fell asleep. I woke myself up several times as I began to snore. When it was over, I was embarrassed and tried to defend my sleeping. She just laughed. I guess I wasn’t the first sleeper.

After all of that, not would tell me if I had a brain. I have to wait until January 9. That’s all the way to next year. I did get a call this morning telling me the doctor wants more blood. What is he? A vampire. This will be the third blood draw. I guess something isn’t right. I could have told him that without all the blood.

So be it. God knows and He and the doctor will tell me in good time.

POLITICAL DEBATES

I’m up early again today. My sleep habits took a sudden change about a month ago and I am usually awake by 6:30. However, it was 5:30 today. I’m wide-awake. I might be nervous. But if I am, I feel nothing more the normal sleepiness. I am having an MRI this morning and an EEG this afternoon. They are looking at my brain today. I think they are checking to see if I have one.

I can’t listen to any of the Republican debates. This is not different than most years. I basically hate political debate. Let me explain. 1) I don’t want to hear their promises. They may be sincere and genuinely want to put a car in every garage but they don’t have the power. I have never understood why we Americans assign so much power to one person. Supposedly our government is based upon a balance of power theory. It that is true it would seem the president needs a bunch of others to agree with what he promises. Their own party doesn’t always agree and if the opposite party has the power in one house or the other — well, the president is basically screwed. So, why brother to promise? If just one said they were interested in attempting, or would try. But it doesn’t matter because the president will be blamed if the whole government doesn’t do what he promised. We seem as messed up as the politicians.

Two, we are fundamentally selfish, a trait we share with politicians. Add greed to the mix. We are not looking for a government that will serve the better good of the country; we want one that will give my state and me what we want. Not surprising. I am no different. I am dependent upon the government at this stage of life. I guess that makes me an employee. In my possibly warped point of view, I put piles of money into an account they promised me would be there and be returned to me with interest when I could no longer work. They broke their promise when the robbed Peter to pay Paul and never paid Peter back. Now they keep threatening to make me pay for their stupidity I do not want to listen to their dreams for us. I already consider anyone suspect who would want to be president. Where’s my faith, in the toilet.

Three, I hate, absolutely hate the tearing apart of one another. We seemed shocked by their sinful life. Heehee, haha, hoohoo! That’s me rolling on the floor in gales of laughter. We no longer need God’s judgment on another’s life; we want to hold them up to public ridicule for doing what sinful human beings do. We accuse them of a lack of family values because they are divorced. Being married does not guarantee a family values perspective. God may hate divorce, but we humans have embarrassed it from the beginning. That’s why Moses permitted it.

We seem shocked they have affairs. But we see it, hear it and know it is all around us. Politicians are a reflection of us. They are just like us in all our sinful manifestations. We backbite, gossip, blame, criticize, accuse and demand perfection of everyone but ourselves. I call that a belief in a doctrine of perfection — for others. We are quick to blame others for the woes of the world. In the political sense they are to blame and we put them there. We are willing to over look their sins if they secure for us what we want. What if their choices do not benefit the greater good? When they threaten to take away protection (military, police, fore, etc.) and education it feels like a parent taking about food and clothes while keeping cable TV and the Internet. Stupid. Feel the children first and if there is extra, get the extras.

I love my father, but he was generous to fault to others. After he passed away, mom asked me to write charities to stop the requests for money. I ended up writing dozens of groups he supported while mom got little side jobs to buy the kids clothes. There is a parallel in the actions of government.

I know government is necessary, but I don’t have to listen to them argue with one another about their weaknesses, frailties and failures. I just have no interest. If I want to listen to that kind of talk all I need to do is walk over to the other building and get into an argument with someone, anyone actually.

A little of this and a little of that

I have been busy and am busy. I am working on one portrait, have another in the wings and just picked up four more. If I hit the mark immediately, I can do each one in 2-3 days, however, the “if” is big. One of the new ones has two kids on the same drawing. I have a hard time with those. If I get one right I often screw the other up. That means I start all over. But since it is only one picture in the eyes of the customer. They don’t understand why I want double. I should charge triple, but instead I only add 50% and pray for the best. Enough about my problems, they are the best ones I have had in years. I get to do what I love.

They finally approved me to drive the company bus-van. Whatever you call it. It is like one of those things that drive around airports. It holds 14 with two hookups for wheelchairs. We had our first outing on Friday for our once a month “Meal Out.” One of the residents found the nicest little bakery. Great bread. My trainer came along in case I had questions. I did have one. Where are the heat controls?

Chas has become belligerent. He claims to have done nothing wrong. In one way he is right. He bought the hall decorations and installed them, so I suppose he has the right to take them down. OK, maybe he does. Just like when he got carried away a year go with his garden. He was so angry at problems he was having with some people that he tore out all his flowers and threw them away. He hurt the feelings of more than his enemies on that one. Others missed the beauty at the front of the property. He does not believe he over reacted on this issue. He says he was called and told to remove the garland from the front of one person’s apartment. None of the communication was in anger or even demanding. It was a request. The amount to remove amounted to about two feet. He ripped out about ten feet and left the hallway looking strange. The extra eight feet were not even in front of the woman’s apartment. At least his housekeeper kept him from tearing out the whole thing – his original intent. He does not believe what he did was an over reaction. When I asked today if he thought he over reacted, he said no and wheeled away to end the conversation. He is not taking criticism from anyone. And why should he? He’s convinced he was right!

I preached last weekend and caught the bug. It had been about twelve years since I had preached. The first time (a little over a month ago), I was a nervous wreck. It went pretty well, but I had doubts I could even do it, I mean, being used of God. I was fearful of getting in the way, messing it up. I was well studied, intellectually prepared and - I thought – spiritually prepared. But something happened last weekend. First, I over prepared for Saturday. I put together enough material to teach two one hour classes and (I guess) believed I could condense it into 20-25 minutes. I was not satisfied. I went home that night and whittled it down to the barest of bones and clearly focused on one point. People fail us, but God never fails. A Romans 5:1-6 promise. The Spirit was upon me and I spoke for God on Sunday. I never believed that would ever happen again. I had failed. I was used up. I had blown it. I was finished. Everything I felt and thought convinced me that was true. I knew I had been discarded and I had accepted it. But God was not finished with me. I was shocked.

I have no idea where it goes from here, and I’m fine with that.

ITS NOT BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

My blog makes no real contribution to life and culture. It began as one old man blabbering on and on about the humor I see in life. Some of the humor that I once saw is turning to sorrow. And from my perspective it is caused by a life without God. The inability to forgive is painful and brings pain not just to the person not being forgiven, but to the entire unit where the bitter one lives. People are afraid to move, to act, to plan, because of one persons poison.

The home has been decorated beautifully each year. It took longer than usual to get going because of the actions of one person last year. That person sees themselves as the keeper of the decoration and the public areas of the building. Things only go where she says they go. Bi creativity was allowed last year so no one was willing to help her this year. When she finally shut herself in her room out of anger, everyone else got together and decorated out building. And frankly, it looks better that ever.

None of this progress is evident in the main building. The resident who manages the kitchen and makes sure there is coffee every morning, appears to also be the keeper of the Christmas decorations. She is angry this year and she does not want to put up Christmas decorations yet - an so no one wants to cross her so no decorations have gone up. Her anger is stupid (but then most anger is stupid). He wants a man in her life and has decided which man (not me, thankfully). The man has told her it will never happen. HOWEVER (and this is important) he continues to treat her like the love of his life. His words and actions are in conflict. So she is taking her anger out on everyone, and everyone is letting her.

It is not beginning to look al lot like Christmas in the main building, but it is over here. But even here, bitterness has raised its ugly head. Chas decorated the hall on the first floor with garland and ornaments. It looks real nice. There is an inset in front of all our apartments and most people decorate that are their selves. Two apartments were already decorated when Chas got started so he left them alone. In fact, he bought garland to match theirs. He ran that garland everywhere except directly in front of his arch enemies place. However, he did run it around a corner into her area. The lady kindly asked her housekeeper if the garland could be removed as she wanted to decorate her own area. It was a reasonable request. The house keeper took care of the problem for Chas. When she told him what had happened, he wanted to go out and tear it all down. He was talked out of that, but went and cut a large section off that was approacher her apartment. It now looks terrible. He ruined the whole affect because of his over reaction and anger.

When he does that, which is more often than even he admits, people pull away from him and he sulks off to have his own little pity party. He never keeps that party quiet. He tells a few friends how hurt he is and that no body likes him (if no one likes him why does he tell anyone - he would likely have no friends to tell)? The point is to get some people to tell him they like him and beg him to be part of things. I for one am tired of his manipulation. And so are some others. He has a way of turning a nothing item into a huge issue. He keeps thinking he his going to be thrown out. Keep it up and he will.

I have talked to him so many times about this and he agrees while we are together, but acts as though he has no memory of it a few minutes later. This last escapade will send him into retreat in his little apartment. He wanted to go see the lights in another week and I am driving the bas just so he can go. It is likely he will be too embarrassed to go and will blame it on something else. He causes many of his own problems. Gail will tell him straight out and I am going to tell him tonight. This has got to stop.

Of course, like a two year old, I will tell him again and again until it sinks in. I pray that happens soon - for my sanity.

The lack of trust leads to seeing everything with an ulterior motive. Ever action is questioned and the sincerity is doubted. That comes from their own self hatred. They don't believe any compliment or good deed. People begin to wonder what the point is. There is an air of oppression at The home emanating from three people. That is a cancer that is infecting everything.