FORGIVE ME AS I FORGIVE

Why does anger rise to the surface like Old Faithful in some people. It comes fast and shoots high. It seems to me that people should have figured out by old age that it doesn’t do much good. Maybe have, but we still have several hot heads around here.

I don’t know who is the worst, but if there is a worst it’s a tight race and crowded at the top. I’d like to kick a few butts and thin things out.

Let’s talk Maria today. Of all of them, she can hold a grudge longer than anyone I have ever met. It doesn’t take much for someone to become her mortal enemy. There are times it is her reaction that blackmails them and has nothing to do with anything they did. Take Darla for instance. Darla has had a difficult life. As a result she is defensive, guarded and angry herself. I heard about her and Maria’s conflict when I first arrived. Darla was willing (so she said) to forgive and forget. Not Maria. Maria will walk out of a room is Darla sits down in the same room. If Maria attempts to stay longer she will hold up her hand so she cannot see Darla. It is so phony and fake that people who know nothing of their conflict, gasp and want to know what just happened.

Maria attempted to develop and on going feud with me when I finally told her I did not like the way she treated Kiki or that she had accused and attacked me for something she did. (She was late to go for bread on morning and she blames me for not calling or knocking on her door - not my responsibility, She went after me publically. I reminded her it was her responsibility to be at the meeting place) I knew my comments would cross her and was prepared to lose her friendship if necessary. I let her pull her silly stunts, walk out of rooms I entered and put her hand up to block her view of me for 3-4 weeks. Then I knocked on her door and confronted that stupid behavior. I told her that of course she was free to act any way she choose in spite of my belief that it was childish. However, if she wanted to play her games she needed to be prepared to keep her hand up or stop going to most activities. I intended to be at almost every event The Home had and in fact may be in charge of many of them. It took time, but she got over it and tried to move back to the friendship we had before. She became exceptionally nice to me when she wanted a ride someplace.

She announced a few days ago that she despised Chas and could never forgive him. Chas cannot handle these conflicts. He drops into a funk and hides out in his apartment for a few days waiting for someone to come and tell him he is OK and that he should ignore her as plenty of people like him. He needs to get out, go where he wants and do the things he wants to do. I did all I could to stop people from attempting to rescue him as he and I have talked many times about ignoring these slights. After all, he is not what they call him so there is no reason to go off pouting.

I think I was successful in keeping people from the big rescue gig and he came out of his cave sooner than usual. He talked to me today about what happened. He assumed I knew nothing but forgets hope quickly gossip flies around here. I faked stupidity (I think) and let him tell me from his point of view. I kept asking him what he was going to do. I did not hug him physically or emotionally. I did not give him any advise. I kept turning everything he complained about back to him so he would have to make a decision. I was very happy. Ultimately he decided to do everything I would have told him. I affirmed the wisdom of his decisions.

I have talked with Maria, a Catholic now returning to regular church, about the Lords Prayer. Yes, they say it nearly every Sunday. Does she remember the prayer? Yes. What does she think of the phrase, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” But you don’t you what he/she did to me. Oh, but I do. I can never forgive them. That is your choice, but do you believe you are doing enough to get to heaven or are you just hoping you will. The Lord’s Prayer mentions how God is going to forgive us. You might want to forgive those who you believe have wronged you. I can’t. Yes, you can, but you won’t. That is your choice, but stop considering heaven as an option for you.