Thursday, April 28, 2011

BREAD WARS TURN INWARD

I can’t remember if I mentioned that my assistant, Karlie, fired me from participating in bread wars after I went to the hospital January 31. I knew I would be out for a few weeks, but I felt like I would come back. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was fired. I asked her why she thought she could fire me when I was the boss. She didn’t care — I was done. It turned out to be a good thing.

Karlie got help by asking Gracie to help her. Gracie is always offering to help in everything, but has a tendency to take over and order people around. She was asked to coordinate the arrival and distribution of commodities. She was demanding and bossy of nearly everyone there to help. The next month she had to find new volunteers since none of the old ones returned. She changes orders multiple times at restaurants, often sends things back because they are not right and takes her frustration out on the waiter. No one wants to sit by her.

Karlie and Gracie worked together collecting bread for two months. However for most of March I heard all about Karlie’s frustration with Gracie. Gracie was diving the van so Karlie felt like she needed to put up with the nonsense. She was sick most of April and did not go to help with the bread. In the meantime Gracie asked Maria to help out. I would not have done that, but then I was now out of the loop.

A week ago, Karlie returned to help with the bread. When she went out to get in the van she did not see Gracie sitting inside the van and went to the other building to find her. Gracie yelled at her in a very demanding way to get in the van if she was here to help. She got in and they headed out. Gracie tore into Karlie for lateness, her anger and rudeness; her boisterous voice and other problems Gracie felt needed to be addressed.

Karlie demanded to be let out of the van. She asked five times that the van be stopped and she be let out. Gracie refused and continued to belittle and attack her. Finally Karlie could take it no longer and began to open the door while the van was still moving. This caused Gracie to slow down ordering her to get back in this van. As a safety precaution she swung the van into a grocery store parking lot. That slowed the van down enough that Karlie did jump out. At that point the proverbial s*** hit the fan. As if it hadn’t done so already.

Karlie began to walk home. Gracie screamed and yelled and made a huge scene. She told her she was going to call to police. Why, to have them put me back in your van? You had no right to jump out. What crime did I commit? You have left me without the help I need to collect the bread. No, you treated me in such a terrible way and I have quit. You nor anyone else will verbally abuse me any longer.

Karlie walked and Gracie drove back to get Maria.

Now Karlie has been abused all her life. She was abused physically, emotionally and sexually. It began with her dad and next came her step dad, then some friends of her step day. She married twice. Both were abusers. She retreated for a very long time and than began to defend herself. She is not real good or gracious about the defense, She is learning. I have spent hours talking to her and trying to gently help her see what needs to change. Some of it is working, but she is fighting 60 years of abuse. That does not change overnight.

My problem with Gracie is she is a church going person who wears her religion on her sleeve. I don’t mean to degrade what I consider to be an acceptable practice, but she seems to make a show of praying for her meal in every situation to the great annoyance of other residents. They do not see her as a serious believer and her practice is mocked.

Frankly, they both have serious problems. Who says places like "The Home" are boring.

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