ANYONE CAN DO IT

I used to be the go to guy. The one who could make the office equipment work, the one who could figure out how to make mimeograph work and get the masters on and off with little ink on my fingers. I could un-jam the photocopier. I could set the alarm clock. I could get the VCR clock off 12:00, and I could hook up the turntable to the speakers.

I don’t really know when it all changed. It wasn’t immediate. It slowly took over my life and knocked me out. In 2000 I began taking in boys as a proctor parent. Most understand the new technology and enjoyed hooking up anything I needed connected. I didn’t think much about it. Things were beginning to get complicated, they wanted to do it and I liked that it was a way for them to contribute to our lives together. It seemed like a win-win situation.

It is ten years later and I don’t know anything! I feel dumber than dumb. My fifteen year-old 35 mm camera gave up the ghost on Christmas day. I miss it all ready because I knew how it worked. But I decided not to get it fixed. Instead I decided it was time to move into the digital age.

I’m a member of Staples rewards and had accumulated near $78 in rewards that I could use toward any purchase. I went on line and looked at all the cameras, studied the features (and variety of colors) but the numbers, symbols and abbreviations only confused me more. I figured out that mega pixels meant the more there were the clearer the photo would be (I think). The numbers 3x, 5x etc. seemed to refer to magnification. Beyond that, I was lost.

I like Staples. I buy paper and toner there all the time. But I have yet to find a sales person who knows much beyond computers and printers. At least today no one was working who knew cameras. I was told but the clerk that the one I liked was a good one. I suspect I would have been told that no matter which one I selected. Cost was the most important. Get the most for the least — the American way.

The new technology practically programs it’s self, the clerk said. Yeah, right. I brought it home, read the entire manual (a new experience for me) and attempted to follow the directions. Problem one should never had happen, but the arrow on the camera drawing appeared to be pointing to the wrong place. Ten hours later I got the holding strap on (slight exaggeration). Step two was to install the battery. The directions were very clear. I should turn off the camera before installing the battery. Uhh! Without a battery how did I know if it was off or on? Assuming it was off I inserted the battery as directed having checked how it went in multiple times. I only went in one way. I then attached the charger using the proper cords and plugged it in. A battery charging light was to go on. No it didn’t. So I tried, tried and tried again. Nothing. No light. Multiple screams.

When I believe I may ultimately find a solution to a problem I have no difficulty with perseverance. But this time I am going to bed and will try again tomorrow. I know I’m from the dark ages but this little camera that does everything but start the morning coffee is not going to beat me. And if it does — I am not going to tell anyone. I’m going to call my nine-year-old grandson.