ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW

Chas spoke to me about his confrontation last Monday. It was nice to hear from his side. Didn’t make his actions any more acceptable, but cleared up perspective.

Apparently there were four women taking in the commons room last Monday when Chas arrived. General conversation. Noting important, nothing world shattering (like it always is at The Home). After a few minutes Chas wheeled over to get some coffee and a sweet treat. While he was gone, Andrea arrived. She had asked Kiki a question that Chas had only heard the tail end. They had been talking about the possibility of Kiki’s family coming here for a visit. It was about number of days. Kiki began answering, paused and looked at Chas. He interpreted that pause as a request for information. He began explaining how many days one can have a guest before one must pay for their presence. Andrea turned to him and apparently said, “This is a private conversation and none of your business.” Is that what was said? I don’t know. Is she capable of that kind of comment? Absolutely. Did she say it in an angry way? Doubtful! She can be stern, but has much control.

Without further comment, he sped away. His departure was taken as rude, angry, and hostile. He was reported to the manager. On his returned he saw his plants had been moved again. Liz and Hazel were sitting at the table and he went over to confront them. Naturally, there was an explosion. He flew into his apartment angry and hurt. They had been told not to move his plants, but report it. He did not report the problem. Instead he came out in the afternoon, tore up all his plants and took them to the trash against the muted protests of several people. His anger was so great. He kept saying, “I can’t take this anymore.” Tears were rolling down his cheeks. People were afraid.

The manager and her boss came over to see Chas and tell him he had done wrong. Yes, he was hurt, but it hurt many more that he destroyed the beauty of our yards. His sister runs a nursery and provided the plants. She is also angry. Nothing was said about Liz and Hazel. These two friends leave soon on a cruise. Everyone is looking forward to departure. There may even be a farewell party — after they leave. There will not be a return celebration.

This was the first day Chas has spoken to me and he seems to be back to himself. He believes the plants were his and he had the right to do what he wanted with them. I know he feels that, but it’s a delusion. He stole from and hurt the feeling of many more. No apology will come. He was hurt and that excuses everything from his point of view. I don’t accept that. I’m not going to push him or demand anything unless the door flies wide open. Then I want to know what he has to say to all his friends who were hurt by his action. Then I will make him sit in a corner for a long timeout.